ill follow you eventually (stenbrough)

part 14

I picked up the phone slowly and heard a voice i didnt recognize. "Hello, is this Stanley Uris" i heard the nice ladies voice say, "yes ma'am". "Ok, im so very sorry but your father has passed away, he drowned in his bathtub. He was under the influence and we think was a little out of it" she explained and my mouth slightly split apart, "Ok" was all i could get out of my mouth. The rest of her talking was a blur. I hung up while she was talking and i stood there. Ill never get my medicine, ill have to live with people i dont know, i might have to leave derry, bill. I walked up stairs to my room and looked around. I went to a slight floor board that was stuck up and i took out the board, i grabbed the razor, which was covered in dirt, and i went into the bathroom. I started my water, i was feeling disgusting. I set the razor on the edge of the tub and walked out of the bathroom. I couldnt feel bill around me, it was like he didnt exsit, like he was a figment of my imagination. I grabbed a paper and wrote on it.

Dear losers, This isnt a suicide note and what ive done i do not consider suicide. My father died and i dont want to be taken away from yall or bill. I wont be able to get medicine soon and i dont want to live with people who dont know a single thing about me. I have no family that could or would want to take me. Im writing this so you have something to remember me by i guess. My favroite thing about yall is mike, always being there when i really needed someone, richie, always making me laugh even if i want to murder him at the same time, beverly, for being the most badass of my friends and making me feel important, eddie, for fixing me up and teaching how to cook (basically being the mom i never had) and ben, showing me new things and supporting my interest. Im doing this so i can be with bill and still be happy. Id be able to see yall everyday and be with bill and be able to touch him and speak to him, id be able to leave the house on my own. So this is me saying i love every single one of you and ill miss you, but please dont miss me and dont say goodbye because ill eventually see you again.

Love, stan the man.

Once i finished the letter, i wrote another 4 of them and put them in envelopes and put their names on the ones i want them to have. I set the envelops down on my bed, which was neatly made, then set a key down infront of it. I put a small paper beside it saying, 'use after reading the envelopes'. I then walked into my bathroom and locked the door. I took off my clothes and layed down in the bath. I turned off the water, reached for the razor, and layed back slowly but happy.