Breaking Barriers - S.R.

20

It had been over a month since Spencer started looking for a permanent facility for his mother. She had actually gotten into one of the experimental trials he was desperately hoping for, but it was short lived. She was only away for about a week when they sent her home due to budget cuts. Spencer was devastated, and things only seemed to be getting worse. He grew increasingly obsessed with finding a treatment for his mother that he thought would cure or reverse her condition, spending almost every moment of his free time doing research and making phone calls to people all over the world.

His free time was hard to come by these days, too. Agent Hotchner had been away on some case by himself for a while now, causing the team to be a little shorthanded and frazzled. After Morgan left, they spent a lot of time adjusting to his replacement, which was hard enough on everyone as it is. I think Spencer said his name was Luke. With Hotch being away for an extended period of time on top of that, Spencer was working extra hard and more hours than usual. He also seemed to be out of town more frequently. It was starting to become a lot.

I felt like I had barely seen him in the last few weeks. We'd been on good terms since we made up from our argument, but it's hard to get into any more arguments when you barely have time to talk. We would video chat and talk on the phone when he was away, and try to text throughout the day when we could most of time, but it wasn't the same. He managed to have Cassie stay overnight with Diana a couple of times so we could be together, but due to how often he was away for work, he couldn't ask her to stay much more than necessary. She had a life too, after all.

Most of the time we were able to be together was for a short dinner or him coming over for a while after his mom had fallen asleep. Sometimes we would just talk, sometimes we would have sex. Every time we did though, it became increasingly harder when he left. I started to feel cheap, like I was being used. Like I was his personal stress reliever. It was always consensual and I knew Spencer didn't see me that way at all, but I was starting to feel like I was in a friends with benefits situation more than an actual relationship.

I missed him, I was lonely, and it needed to be addressed. The empathetic side of me was staying quietly in the background of Spencer's life because I knew he was being pulled in so many different directions, but I couldn't continue being his girlfriend if I wasn't going to be a priority to him. He promised things would be different. He promised he would change and make more time for me, but things were only getting worse. I couldn't keep disregarding my own feelings and needs for him. He was neglecting me enough for the both of us.

I was pacing in my apartment as I waited for Spencer to come over. He would be home from work any minute and he was coming straight here after I told him that it was important for us to talk. I just hoped that he would understand where I was coming from. He knocked on the door quickly before stepping inside, turning to me with a small smile on his face.

"It's not safe to leave your door unlocked."

"An FBI agent lives down the hall." I joked, as he greeted me with a kiss.

I led him to the couch and faced him as we sat down.

"What's wrong?" He immediately asks, examining my facial features as if it'll give him the answer.

I suddenly felt very small and the guilt hit me like a freight train, but I knew I had to tell him how I felt. "I know you've been working a lot, and everything with your mom...You've been really busy. But I feel like you don't have time for me anymore."

His eyebrows furrowed as he stared at me. "Of course I have time for you. I'm doing my best, but with Hotch being away and taking care of my mother, I've just had a busy schedule. Things will get better and go back to normal soon."