Breaking Barriers - S.R.

21

I'd managed to avoid Spencer for almost a month now, or maybe he was avoiding me. My schedule of coming and going was a lot more predictable after all. I wondered if he was still angry at me for how things ended between us. I would be lying if I said I didn't have days that I regretted my decision to end our relationship. I missed him. Then again, I also missed him even when we were together. I'm not really sure which one was more painful.

I worried about him every day. Did I push him over the edge? Had he started using drugs again? Surely not. He had been clean for so long before I even came into his life, and he'd been through plenty of difficult times before me. I thought about Diana a lot too. I felt guilty as I thought about how my words probably came across to Spencer. I wasn't trying to get rid of Diana or make myself more important than her. That's not what I wanted from him. I just needed to be a priority, too.

I thought about reaching out to him, but I couldn't make myself do it. Either I would go crawling back to him because I was still in love with him and end up in the same situation as before, or he would still be angry and find a way to shatter my heart even more. I would reach out eventually, just not yet. I needed more time.

That fantasy was short lived, however, when I entered the lobby of our apartment complex one night to find him already waiting by the elevator. He gave me a curt nod as I warily approached him and I forced a small smile.

"Hi." He said softly.

"Hey." I replied.

We stood in silence until the elevator doors slid open and he gestured with his hand for me to step in first. Spencer pressed the button for our floor and stepped back, shoving his hands in his pockets. I stared at my shoes, my heart pounding as I battled with if I should speak up or not. Unfortunately I missed my chance as the doors slid open yet again and Spencer looked at me. I forced another smile and stepped out, regret filling me as I trekked down the hallway.

"Olivia?"

I could've sworn my heart stopped as his familiar voice spoke up again. I stopped in my tracks, turning back around at the sound of my name. "Yeah?"

He nervously fumbled with the keys in his hands and stepped towards me. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry."

"Me too." I nodded.

We stared at each other for a moment and he hesitated before stepping towards me again so we weren't so far from each other. "I said a lot of things I shouldn't have because I was angry and overwhelmed, but that's not an excuse. You were right when you said I wasn't being fair. I promised I would be around more and I broke that promise."

I swallowed hard before speaking. "I wasn't trying to put more pressure on you, Spencer, and I don't want you to think that I don't care about your mom, because I do. I'm sorry if I made you feel like you weren't enough, and I'm sorry if I added to your stress."

"You don't need to apologize, Liv." He stated. "I keep thinking about what you said...about how I would come over and just leave after--"

He stopped talking, the words seemingly caught in his throat as the weight of the conversation bared down on us. I looked away in discomfort.

"I hate myself for making you feel that way. You deserve better, and I...I understand why you did what you did." He finished.

When I finally managed to look up at him, the tears brimming his eyes caused me to look away again as they started to form in my own.

"Can I ask you something?" I glanced at him quickly and he nodded. "You didn't...start using again, did you?"

"No." He said quickly, stepping closer yet again to get my attention. "I shouldn't have said that."