Kairos |An Itachi Uchiha Story|

xxviii. your own hell

"Are we shit protection if we mess up the person we were put in charge of?"

Shisui joked bitterly as he had his sip of his drink with a sigh. He looked over at Itachi who stared out the window into the dark sky. He said nothing back but Shisui knew the kind of mood he had been in. He expected to receive silence as a response.

"Hey lighten up man. Being grim won't wake her up, we just gotta wait her out."

"Stop acting like this is okay."

Itachi snapped suddenly and turned his gaze to Shisui who ignored the anger. Quiet and reserved Itachi only lost his temper so quickly when it pertained to Aiko, Shisui then remembered.

"That's the thing. It is okay! I feel her chakra just as I usually do and she's not dead, Itachi."

The younger Uchiha scoffed before losing his temper once more.

"Why do you dare drink at a time like this?" He snapped once more at Shisui who only held up his glass amusedly.

"Because she's not going anywhere at this rate and I have to forget my guilt somehow." Shisui shrugged off Itachi's anger once more as he took a gulp.

Itachi could feel the anger pour and splash out of himself. He knew deep down the anger was really pointed at himself. The anger of not being able to control himself and the anger for causing Aiko distress. The anger of actually caring for her and the anger for falling for her.

He felt like he could spit.

Being in the room with her while she curled tensely in her sleep and mumbled worriedly only seemed to set him off even more. But he did not dare leave her alone after what he had done. He knew the grim future he had and wondered what tortures it succumbed her to.

His job was not to love and strain her.

He rationed quietly in his mind.

His job was to keep her safe.

Yet he somehow managed to fail to do everything.

"Earth to Itachi!" Shisui yelled suddenly right next to the younger Uchiha who was slightly startled but mostly annoyed.

"Do not yell." Itachi glared at Shisui's drunken form, almost overstimulated with anger and frustration.

"Have some." Shrugging the man offered his bottle to Itachi. Whether or not he thought Itachi would take it was like a coin toss to him. He knew the guy was going through a lot right now and the pressure of having feelings at all when living the lifestyle of a specialist anbu was taxing.

Itachi took a swig of the dark liquor and face turned at the taste. It was not pleasant and it almost hurt to drink, but somehow the hurt made him feel a little better at least. A small ponderous expression replaced his frown and Shisui grinned at the progress.

"It makes it all the better now but never forget that it will hurt later." Shisui advised the Uchiha who took another sip of the amber drink.

Itachi sighed after the second drink and gave the bottle back to Shisui after absorbing his words. Deep down, he wanted to say everything will hurt later and did not understand the point of heeding the words. He wanted to yell back and ask why it does not bother him that he will have to execute him one day. He wanted to question how he could be his brother and executioner and not fall apart. Wanted to know what he was supposed to do with himself after he committed the heinous acts one day. How to live with himself.

"Why could I not be born a nobody? A commoner with no qualms." Itachi grumbled as he stared out the window. Shisui laughed and took a drink for himself.