"In the night I hear them talk, coldest story ever told."
"Ivan wasn't the Generals first heartrender, no one knows what happened to Mashka. It's like she disappeared into the shadows and took his heart with her."
shadow and bone season...
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When Mashka opens her eyes, water leaks out of them before she can even stop or comprehend them. She's never been one to ponder so much over things she couldn't control, but that was exactly the problem. She should have been able to control the situation, how did she let them throw the knife? How did she allow herself to be caught.
Everyday someone tells her she's lucky to be alive, but a part of her died that day on the ice. Both metaphorically and in a literal sense, Aleksander has been her only saving grace, someone to share the grief with. At first it was just the two of them knowing, now there were four. Rina, the healer on the ship who did their best, and the two of them.
A hand tangles into her hair before a thumb wipes away a tear. Aleksander. "My Mash." it's a plea, Mashka's only been able to speak to Aleksander the last week they've been home. Everyone else has assumed their General is recovering from the stab wound, that's the story anyways. The healer was too far, and that Mashka barely made it by a thread.
Looking at her lover she sighs, resting her head into his chest. "Everyday someone tells me I'm lucky to be alive, Aleksander. I can't take it anymore."
He hums. "I could kill them for you, if you'd prefer it."
For the first time in a week, Aleksander see's the crack of a smile on his fiancée's face. He pulls back to admire it, holding her face in his hands. "Listen to me, Mashka. There's nothing I wouldn't do to keep you safe... and I'm sorry I failed you."
Frowning Mashka sits up, crawling closer to his lap. "And you listen to me Aleksander. We both lost something that day, if you failed than so did I. I just wish...I don't know. I wish this were easier. I know it was too early, but I-" Mashka stops to let out a small sob, covering her hands over his. "I thought of names and I thought about if they were going to be like you or me. And I wanted them to be like you."
In a moment Mashka wasn't prepared for, a tear slips past Aleksander's eye. Taking in a shuddering breath she presses her lips to his cheek. "I never thought anyone would ever say such a thing to me." he confesses quietly.
"What you have provided for not just me, but the Grisha, how you have made people not just fear you, but respect you. That's something I wanted you to give them." Part of her feels like she's setting a bird free of it's cage, the other feels like she's locked herself in instead and thrown away the key. She isn't sure if her confessions are the lock or the key.
"I promise you this, you will never have to set foot in that Saints forsaken country ever again, not without me at least." He brings her hand up to a kiss, over her ring finger, another promise he's made her.
Wrapping her arms around his shoulders she moves so she's fully wrapped up in him. Invading every part of her. Slowly she listens for his heartbeat, the fingerprint she could see smudged across thousands of others. "Mashka." it's a whisper in her ear, almost fearful.
