"In the night I hear them talk, coldest story ever told."
"Ivan wasn't the Generals first heartrender, no one knows what happened to Mashka. It's like she disappeared into the shadows and took his heart with her."
shadow and bone season...
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When Mashka was little she used to dream of what her life would be like, and it was never anything like what it is now. As she sits back in her and Aleksander's room she stares up at the ceiling. It has only been two days since Baghra told her the truth, or her truth. Mashka isn't sure what to believe, but she knows she's started to question everything Aleksander says. Whether it's "do you want herring for breakfast, love?" or "we shouldn't use this port of entry for the alliances with Ravka." everything is a toss up in her head.
The truth is, when she was little she thought love would be very different, she didn't know it could be so painful. Taking in a deep breath she closes her eyes, she hasn't been able to sleep. She can't remember the last time she had a restful sleep. Aleksander curls a hand up her spine, it chills her. "Love, please. Rest."
"I'm sorry, I can't sleep." she whispers into the dark.
Pulling her closer he kisses her head. "Nightmares?"
"Over and over again." It wasn't a lie. all she could picture was monsters in the night. His monsters.
The beating of his heart starts to lull her into a sleepy state, she wonders how someone can bring so much comfort and so much uncertainty all at once. "What can I do my Mash?"
"I love you." she whispers into the dark, wondering if he can just say it over and over again she can forget what was said in Baghra's hut.
Tightening his grip on her he turns her to face him. "You know I love you Mashka."
"Do you promise?" she whispers, her lips dangerously close to his.
Pressing his lips on hers, he hovers over her. They hadn't been very intimate since Fjerda, but right now all she wanted was his love, proof that Baghra's words could be a lie, that he was the man she thought he was. Gripping him impossibly close she tightens her hold on his neck, she only stops when she finds herself panting.
"Do you doubt me Mashka?" It's teasing, but she see's a darkness in his eyes she wonders if it's always been there.
In this very moment she's very thankful he can't hear how fast her heart beats when she lies. "No." it's a whisper in the walls, a lie in the dark.
"I love you Mashka, I chose us, this life, you. You are important to me, to our cause, to Ravka." he says these things into her skin before he kisses her neck, her lips, her cheeks, everywhere.
Breathless she doesn't know whether to be repulsed or to bring him closer. Moving her hands into his hair she kisses him, feeling every single part of him she can, wrapping her legs to tangle with his calves. This was real, this feel of him, but what was the lie? This has been her life for the last three years, him. How was she supposed to deal with the thought of life without him? Against him even. Crying at the thought she kisses him harder, how was she supposed to marry him in a month when she doesn't know who she believes him to be.
