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MicahFox: I've got music on my mind
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My plans of suicide came to a halt after finding out that my girlfriend is pregnant with my first and hopefully last child. I wouldn't consider myself to be a suicidal person but I had plans to end my life during my prime so I could go out the way I envisioned and be reunited with my mother.
A child changes everything.
If I were to die next year then this child will only know of bad things that I have done with my life and that is not how I want to be perceived by my offspring. Mimi could tell them of our short journey together but that doesn't matter because we haven't known eachother long and she really doesn't know me.
When you type my name into google, hundreds of articles come up from my drug fueled, alcoholic days. You read about my criminal past and toxic relationship with Carla Pierce that people still don't the true extent of.
Nobody knows about the deaths on the road, nobody knows about the suicide pacts made when we were on heroin. People don't know that I almost drove our tour bus off a cliff to end all of our sufferings, that is everything that they don't know and I hate that I remember.
I remember so much and it kills me inside.
"She's pregnant."
Robyn looks at me in shock, "Wow."
"Yeah." I sigh deeply as I run my hand through my hair. "I went to visit the doctor this morning and he told me that I never came back for my revision hence why the vasectomy failed. He also congratulated me on having an excellent sperm count and was surprised that I hadn't gotten anybody pregnant sooner."
"You always wear a condom." Robyn reminds me.
"Even when I'm high off my fucking head." I take a long drag of my blunt before passing it to her. "What the fuck am I going to do?"
"You're going to man up and be a dad."
"I'm not built for that." I tell her with a sigh. "I'm a tainted man. How could I raise a child?"
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