The River

IKALIMANG KABANATA

IKALIMANG KABANATA

"Sorry for letting you suffer like this..."

Doon na ako napamulat. Humarap ako sa kanya at hinaplos ang kanyang pisngi. Ang isa kong braso ay nakayakap na sa kanya ngayon.

"It's not your fault," I whispered as I stared at his watery eyes. "No one's at fault."

Dahil wala naman talagang may kasalanan kung bakit ako naghihirap ngayon. Walang may ibang kasalanan kung hindi ako lang din mismo. Ginusto ko ito. Kaya kakayanin ko. Para sa kanya... Para sa kanila.

Me and Issar already talked. We are both okay now. We already settled the misunderstanding between us. He apologised and I accepted it.

Una pa lang ay dapat ako na ang humingi ng kapatawaran. Una pa lang ay ako ang may kasalanan kung bakit kami humantong sa ganon. Pero hindi niya ako hinayaang magmakaawa sa kapatawaran niya. Siya na mismo ang nagmakaawa sa aking patawarin siya.

"I may sometimes feel discontented, but..." Agad akong napabaling kay Issar. "But I can't ask for more, Avonlea... As long as we've stayed together. As long as you're here. As long as I can hug and kiss you..."

My eyes widened as realisation hit me. He answered the question I always asked him every time we met. The same question that he didn't want to hear from me. The same question he despise so much.

"It's already too much to ask for more." He continued while looking at me intently.

I smiled at him before giving him a peck in the cheek. That's the only answered I want to hear from him. Dahil sa narinig mula sa kanya ay bigla akong napanatag. Biglang gumaan ang aking pakiramdam.

"I love you,"

The whole river was now full of laughter. I watch Issar as he failed to do back dive again. I stand up at pumunta sa malaking bato kung nasaan siya. He was watching me habang tinatahak ang daan papalapit sa kanya.

"Let me show you how to do it, love." Nang-aasar kong ani.

He pouted at me, "Ako nga nahirapang gawin 'yon, ikaw pa kaya?"

"Try me,"

"And if you can't do it?"

"You can dare me whatever you want and I'll obey you," I smirked. "But if I succeed, you're the one who'll do what I ask you to do." I continued as I positioned myself.

He shook his head and smirked at me. And that was my cue to do the back dive. And I successfully made it.

Umahon ako mula sa pagkaka-lubog sa tubig nang may mayabang na ngiti sa mga labi. Issar give me an amusement stare. Nagkibit-balikat lang ako bago pumunta sa lupa.

"You never failed to surprise me, love." He said those words with a proud tone.

Agad niya akong niyakap at binigyan ng halik ang noo ko. Napapikit naman ako, dinadama ang magandang feeling na hatid noon.

"Be with me," I suddenly uttered. "Let's watch the sunset together."

We silently watched the sunset setting from the West. He intertwined our both hands together. His grip was tight but gentle.

"Ang ganda," Namamanghang usal ng batang lalaki na nasa tabi ko na naman.

Isang taon na naman ang lumipas at hito pa rin siya sa tabi ko, laging nakasunod, laging nakabuntot. Isang taon na rin mag mula noong matuklasan naming dalawa ang lugar na ito.

Hindi ko pa rin lubos maisip na ako na mismo ang sumuko sa kakatulak sa kanya. Hindi ko lubos maisip na hinahayaan ko na lang siyang kulitin ako.

Unti-unti ay parang pinapapasok ko na siya sa buhay ko. Unti-unti ay natatanggap na ng katawan ko ang presensya niya. Unti-unti ay tinatanggap ko na siya...

We both stood at the big rock, facing the west side, watching the beauty of the sunset together.

I put both my hands on my back. I can't help but to feel amused watching the bluish sky mix up with the orange clouds. The scenery in front of us was beyond beautiful.

Naramdaman ko ang munting paggalaw ng kasama ko. In my peripheral vision, I saw him looking at me.

"What?" I asked.

"Hindi ko alam na darating ang araw na ito na kasama kitang pinagmamasdan ang paglubog ng araw." Mahina niyang sagot sa akin.

Hindi ko pinansin ang kanyang sinabi. Wala lang naman sa akin kahit pa kasama ko rin siyang pagmasdan ang pagsikat ng araw. As long as he will keep his annoying mouth shut, it doesn't matter to me.

"I badly want you to be my friend," He broke up his silence. "You know, I am a trustworthy person." He continued.

Trustworthy... Trust... That word is like a medicine. A medicine that I don't want to take because its poisonous. A medicine that can make you paralysed once you take it irresponsibly. A medicine that I'm going to avoid no matter what.

"How?" I whispered. "How can I trust you when I can't even trust my own father?"

That's right! How can I trust men when the reason why I despise them is also a man? How can I trust Issar when I see it with my two eyes that some of them are worst more than trash? How can I trust men when they're strong enough to hurt a woman?

How can I trust him when I'm still stuck in my past?

I know he understands what I meant. Ang nakaraan namin ni mommy sa kamay ng padre de pamilya namin ay hindi sekreto sa pamilya Lavisores. Alam nila ang lahat. Hindi 'yon tinago ni mommy lalo na't sila pala ang tumulong sa amin na makaalis sa impyernong bahay na 'yon.

Tita Isza is a lawyer. Sa pagkakaalam ko, siya lang ang abogadong naniniwala kay mommy. Siya lang ang naglakas ng loob na kalabanin ang ama ko lalo na't mas maimpluwensya ang pamilya namin kaysa sa kanila.

"I will help you," The determination in his voice overpowered. "I will help you move forward from your past."

Nasa likuran ko na ngayon si Issar habang nakayakap sa aking bewang ang kanyang dalawang braso. Isinandal ko sa kanyang dibdib ang aking ulo, nakatingala pa rin sa palubog na araw.

Tahimik lang ako habang inalala ang unang araw na magkasama naming pinagmamasdan ang paglubog ng araw. Ang araw ng siyang pagsuko ko. Ang araw na tuluyan ko na siyang pinapapasok sa aking buhay.

"Do you still remember the first time we both watched the sunset together?" mahina ang boses kong tanong.

He resisted his chin to my head, I pouted.

"How can I forget that day?" Mahina siyang tumawa. "That day was one of the most memorable days that happened in my life." dagdag niya.

"Really, huh?" I teased.

Mahina siyang natawa sa sinabi ko, "In the middle of the sunset, you've finally let me enter into your life."

***
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