The River

IKASIYAM NA KABANATA

IKA-SIYAM NA KABANATA

"The sunset is beautiful, isn't it?" I silently said, eyes still watching the golden sky as the sun was slowly fading from our sight. 

He didn't respond, instead he tried to grab my right hand to hold it but he failed. He can't hold my hand, he can't touch it, he can't embrace me anymore. It stunned him. 

"Y-You didn't mean it, r-right?" Finally, he asked. 

I gave him a sideward look and smiled, "No. I mean it," I whispered and then gave my full attention to the sky. "I'm setting you free. Not just from me but from the pain I caused you." 

"B-But you're also the only one that has the power to cure the pain I am feeling now," pabulong niyang sagot, nanghihina. 

"Hmm-mm." Mabagal akong umiling, "You're in pain because you are feeling guilty. You're in pain because you're still stuck in the past. You're hurt because you can't accept the fact that you're the reason why that accident happened that night." Tuluyan na akong humarap sa kanya. 

"And you know what's the cure of the pain you're baring?" I asked him, staring at his eyes full of different kinds of emotion. Pain, regret, guilt, sadness, and loneliness. "It's acceptance, Issar. The only cure of your aching heart is acceptance. Because at the first place, it's no one's fault... It's not your fault," Hindi ko na mapigilan ang aking mga luha. Hinayaan ko na itong tumulo habang nakatitig sa luhaang mukha ni Issar. 

He was trying to embrace me. He was trying to wipe my tears. He was trying so hard to hold my hands to stop me from leaving. But for the nth time, he failed. He failed and is still failing. He broke down.

Napaluhod na siya sa batong kinatatayuan namin. He covered his face while letting his emotions out. He cried like a baby. A baby that was left behind by his loved ones. 

Lumuhod din ako para mapantayan siya. I want to embrace him tightly but I can't. I want to touch his handsome face and wipe those tears but I know I'll fail. Just like him, I can't feel his warmth anymore... 

"Issar, look at me, please..." Masayo kong buong sa kanya.

Marahas na pag-iling ang binigay niya sa akin bago ako sinagot, "How can I look at you? How can I face you when you're about to leave me?" may hinanakit niyang ani. 

Napangiti ako ng mapait. I want to tell him that I don't want to leave. I want to tell him how much I wanted to stay by his side forever. But I know right now — at this moment — is the only right time to free ourselves. From the pain... From the past. 

"Please," I pleaded again, and this time — thankfully — Issar was able to raise his head and repay my stares. 

I gave him my sweetest smile I could ever give. I already know what will be the outcome if I try touching his wet face, but I still did try. I raised my right hand and brought it to his left cheek. He leaned his cheek at my hand and closed his eyes as if he could feel it. I smiled.

Magsasalita na sana ako nang bigla na lang siyang magmulat ng mga mata at bahagyang umatras papalayo sa akin. 

"But, I love you, Avonlea!" He shouted as he covered his face with his palms, again. 

"I-I know. I can clearly f-feel your love towards m-me." My voice broke. "And I loved you, too. I always love you, Issar." I continued as I was trying to brush his curly hair.

"But this story ain't for the both of us anymore, Issar. Our story that we both dream of is already done. The story that we both planned to write together is already finished. There's no other story for our love but our past." I said painfully. I let my tears slowly flow like a river in my cheek again.