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.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.
what am I going to do..? do I.. like him..??
shin sunbae's question made me think a lot.
I didn't really think thoroughly about what to reply to taeyoung cause, isn't it obvious?
I should just reject him, I already have someone I love.
that's what I thought but it rather felt like I was forcing and trying to convince myself by chanting that on my mind.
for some reason I can't imagine myself rejecting him, it doesn't just sit right with my heart.
"do you like taeyoung?"
this time yongseok sunbae asked me.
I stared at him for some time before replying,
"... I don't know..."
why did I reply that I don't know??
"I.. already have someone I love, don't I?"
I continued soon after a tingling feeling of guiltiness took over my heart.
"then you should reply firmly with a no, that's what's normal isn't it? go ahead and do that"
my eye twitched hearing that from sangmin sunbae's mouth as he passed me my phone.
"but do you know what you replied? you don't know, which means you aren't denying. now what does this seem like to you?"
he continued with a soft voice.
I... have feelings for him..? that's what it should mean right? no wait hold on what is happening this isn't what I planned fia focus-
"you do have feelings for him, even if it's a tiny weeny bit. and now you can't bring your heart to nor accept or deny that, you're stuck and confused"
a lot was going through my mind right now and I couldn't make my mind.
but in between those thoughts, suddenly there was a thought I couldn't ignore, I couldn't forget about. something happened to me and in a split second, everything seemed clear to me.
I know. I know the answer. I know my heart.
but I couldn't make myself admit that, my mind was thinking otherwise, it felt weird to admit that. what made it worse was when that person who everyone knew I loved was sitting in front of me.
now.. how do I.. face yongseok sunbae? how could I possibly just admit that now I love someone else? what would that make me? a shameless who falls for another just like that when she already had someone else in her heart, someone she loved for years. what would everyone think about me?
always bothering about what others are going to think, that ruined a lot of things I wanted to do.
