infinity !﹒⪩⪨﹒ dkbk

chapter 15 : hurt

// brief emeto
----

as soon as he woke up, he jerked forward as bile sprung out of his mouth, splattering onto the floors below him sickly. the blond groaned and shivered as the hot fluid dribbled down his chin, leaving the back of his throat scorched and sore.

he didn't have any water around, not like he could attempt to pick it up anyway, his wrists were bound together even tighter this time.

"ah, you've made a mess, doll." katsuki flinched harshly at the familiar voice of none other than kai. soon, the flinch transitioned into a broken sob as katsuki shook his head, eyes glued to the ground as his body began to tremble.

"i-i'm.. i-" words were no longer being formed in the mess of katsuki's panicked state. his chest rising an falling heavily as he didn't even attempt to move, accepting whatever kai had to give.

"if you continue to cry as if you are a baby, it will happen again." kai's voice was now stern, causing katsuki to now sit up correctly and stifle his cries.

kai hummed at this before approaching katsuki with a washcloth and water. katsuki shifted fearfully as the man came closer, only for kai to grab his arm, sending katsuki into full panic.

"please - please, leave me alone!" katsuki wailed, shaking his head frantically, struggling weakly.

kai groaned, "quiet-! quiet, doll, i'm going to clean you, okay?" he explained, his voice oddly soft.

katsuki hated it. he hated him. though, he felt so deeply dirty, so violated and disgusting. he was now desperate, desperate for love and comfort. so desperate that oddly enough, he began to find comfort in kai's voice, the same man that's made him desperate in the first place.

"o-okay." katsuki stuttered. he never stuttered. though, his voice had grew so shaky that stuttering was all he could do.

kai hummed as he dipped the cloth into the water before bringing it to katsuki's face, wiping the remaining bile off of his face and chin. katsuki flinched with each touch, yet he remained still, still scared of what the other would do to him.

katsuki nearly screamed when kai's hands went lower, he began begging the man not to touch him there only for kai to explain that he was cleaning him. though, katsuki continued to struggle, pulling away quickly.

"stop it." kai spoke sharply as he wiped the dried cum off of katsuki's thighs. though, as he went further up, he noticed dried blood as well.

"i-it hurts! please stop, it hurts so bad.." katsuki begged, sobbing harshly once more. kai only groaned as he cleaned the blood away from katsuki's entrance, ignoring his cries.

"all done, see? you were exaggerating. you're fine." kai said to the now sniffling blond below him. katsuki only glared at him, feeling utterly humiliated and exposed. kai hadn't put his clothes back on since the day before, he was so vulnerable in front of the man.

"i'll be back with some food. i won't do anything to you until you're healed.. if i can last that long. see, doll? i do care about you somewhat. so, be good for me." kai hummed as he walked out of the shed, leaving katsuki to his own thoughts.

as much as one would be relieved to be alone, katsuki felt the deep opposite. he hated being alone with his thoughts, they always ate him alive. and now, in this situation, they were definitely bound to swallow him whole.

though, he couldn't help it. was kai really implying that it'd happen again? katsuki couldn't take it. he couldn't take being manhandled for hours, used and violated. he felt as if he would just about die if it happened again. honestly, he would much rather perish in this moment, the pain he felt had been so indescribable to the point where if his heart just so happened to stop, he might've been thankful.

but no, he was alive. very much alive, his heart beating, pumping blood to his entire body as he inhaled and exhaled. katsuki was alive, he was living.

living this horrible life, chained to the floor of a shed as his last shreds of dignity were harshly ripped away from him.

it was the dignity that took months to build up, to express, and to understand. the dignity he simply could not build on his own, but with izuku.

ah, izuku.

the boy he loved.

the boy he loves.

the boy who brought tears to katsuki's eyes as the mere passing thought came through.

was he ever going to see izuku again?

katsuki sobbed harshly at this questioning thought, it hurt just to think that he and izuku would never see face to face again.

but why? why was the world so cruel? giving him a taste of a life so nice, so rich..

only to tear it away.

only to make him experience the worst, to feel the worst he's ever felt in his life.

only to give him all the more reason to cry, to beg for mercy in the face of his rapist.

it hurt.

katsuki was hurt.

and even in his hurt, there was a looming thought..

could he ever heal?