infinity !﹒⪩⪨﹒ dkbk

chapter 25 : trust

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"he told me that he loves me." katsuki told nemuri, his expression soft.

"you know... kai, he's - he's told me that izuku would never love me."

nemuri only nodded.

"as he peeled away my very dignity, he'd spit the harshest, most degrading things to me.. but izuku makes me feel happy, he says that he's proud of me."

katsuki practically had hearts in his eyes as he spoke.

his sessions began to grow more positive, katsuki no longer seemed to hold on to the pain anymore. all he could talk about was izuku, for hours and hours.

nemuri smiled at the sight. though, she had more to ask. "i'm so very happy for you. i knew you were able to achieve such change." she said simply, her smile genuine.

katsuki agreed. he was genuinely able to agree that he had changed.

"though, i have a few questions."

katsuki hummed, gazing up at her patiently as he awaited her question.

nemuri cleared her throat before clicking her pen, she was about to take notes.

"how do you feel about physical touch?" she asked.

katsuki furrowed his brows at this for a moment before shrugging. "i don't know." he sighed.

"when i'm with izuku, he hugs me. a night, during the day, whenever we're together. it's fine." katsuki explained hesitantly.

nemuri hummed, "and what about anything further?" he questioned.

katsuki squinted his eyes with suspicion. for a moment he was silent before he gasped sharply, "you mean-"

"mhm. what's love without a little lust?" nemuri giggled, batting her lashes suggestively.

katsuki immediately grew a bright cherry red at this. he hadn't thought about it for a while. should he have been? katsuki always felt as if it were better to not think about it at all rather than risk the pain.

katsuki hesitated before gathering the courage to speak, "we u-um.. we were y'know, able to do it before. a few times actually." he hardly squeaked out, his face never calming.

"it's okay to talk about it, katsuki. do you still ever have those feelings of desire for midoriya?" nemuri asked. katsuki sat for a while, thinking intensely before returning his gaze to nemuri.

"i-.. yes? but i can't - i just can't." katsuki sighed with defeat.

"katsuki, what did we say about saying 'can't'?" nemuri said, shaking her head slowly.

"i know, i know! it's just, whenever i have those feelings, i can't help but think about.. um-.. kai. and i feel like it's my fault, don't you get it? he called me.." katsuki hardly uttered the last part, his eyes glued was to the floors below.

"called you what exactly?"

"dirty.."

"gross,"

"filthy, unclean.."

"even said that izuku would never want to do that with me.. ever." he expressed, his hands growing shaky.

"and how do you feel about those words?" nemuri asked. katsuki sighed, "honestly, i'm really scared that it is true."

"it hurt, y'know? when he would become rough, made me bleed... i'm so scared that i'll feel it again. i feel so weak." katsuki explained shakily, blinking away any tears that threatened to spill.