Yellow, Pink, and Orange

Chapter 12

When I woke up the next morning, I was tired. Throughout the morning I kept getting tireder and tireder. One of the nurses gave me the copy of Gone with the Wind that I had asked for. I didn't ask for this book so I could read it, which even if I tried I wouldn't be able to, I asked for it so I could write a note to Ponyboy. I finally understood what the poem was about and I thought he deserved to know. 

Even though I was tired and every part of my body hurt I still kept writing:

Ponyboy, I asked the nurse to give you this book so you could finish it. The doctor came in a while ago but I knew anyway. I keep getting tireder and tireder. Listen, I don't mind dying now. It's worth it. It's worth saving those kids. Their lives are worth more than mine, they have more to live for. Some of their parents came by to thank me and I know it was worth it. Tell Dally it's worth it. I'm just going to miss you guys. I've been thinking about it, and that poem, that guy that wrote it, he meant you're gold when you're a kid, like green. When you're a kid everything's new, dawn. It's just when you get used to everything that it's day. Like the way you dig sunsets, Pony. That's gold. Keep that way, it's a good way to be. I want you to tell Dally to look at one. He'll probably think you're crazy, but ask for me. I don't think he's ever really looked at one without just seeing a sunset, cause a sunset is always more. And don't be so bugged over being a greaser. You still have a lot of time to make yourself be what you want. There's still lots of good in the world. Tell Dally. I don't think he knows. 

Your buddy, Johnny.

I then folded up the paper and shoved it into the book and handed it to the nurse, then she left my room to get meds. Hopefully it's not to late when he gets it.

It was evening and I was resting in the bed at the hospital when Dally walks in. "Hey, Johnnycakes. How are you doing?" He asked with a soft voice as he sat down in a chair, in front of my bed.

I could barely speak. It hurt to speak, but I pushed myself anyway, "Fine." my voice came out raspy and hoarse, like a piece of chalk against a chalk board. "Is ponyboy going to come later. I have to tell him something."

"I'll be sure to bring him here for you."

"Thanks Dal."

Dally looked sad like he could cry, but I knew he wouldn't. He tries to act like he doesn't have any feelings, but we all feel.

He paused for a moment before he spoke. "Johnny," he looked me in the eyes. Instead of the normal hatred and anger that filled his eyes, there was hurt. So much pain, feeling and sympathy, something that I have never seen him express so willingly. He looked so vulnerable, "Why did you save those children?"

I tried to smile, but couldn't. I simply said, "For nothing and for all." He looked confused. "For nothing and for all." I repeated. "English Johnny, English." 

"Fine," I tried sitting up, but unsurprisingly failed. Looking Dallas in the eyes I sighed and said, "I wanted to let those kids live a happy life. They have people that care about them, unlike me,"

"Shoot, Johnny, I care about you." He put his hand on my thigh.

I smiled. "Thanks, Dally, but I was talking more about a 'I love you' kinda care about."

He looked hurt. "Damn it, Johnny, I love you. I love you in a friend way and I love you in a romance way. But either way, I love you and so does the gang, so don't go saying that nobody cares about you." He sounded hurt. I loved him too. But I knew that I wouldn't have the time to love him, and that really hurt me. "Ha... Thanks, Dal."

We both sat there for a few minutes staring at each other, until Dally spoke, "If I was in that situation, I would have let them die?" That was random. Was not expecting that.

"Would you really? I don't think so. I know deep down under all that hard exterior there is a young innocent boy wanting to be love by the world. Just like the sun when it goes down, you can't see it. Just like the sun, we will come around again. Just like the sun, all beautiful things must leave, but that doesn't mean it's not there."

I could see all of his emotions through his facial expression. "What are you saying, Johnny. About you and about me?"

"For you, I'm saying you are a good person and have always been a good person deep down. And for me ... well, I'm gonna' die."

I could see the desperation in his eyes, "What? No, you can't die. You are the only thing that is keeping me sane in this world. What am I supposed to do if you leave? I won't be able to survive."

"Live Dally. You live when you lose someone. You fulfill everything they couldn't. You be everything they couldn't be. Maybe this will be for the best." Maybe I can be part of a sunset for once.

"No. No, I can't do that."

"You have to Dally. I heard there is going to be a rumble between us and the Socs. You go and win. Win what I couldn't. Win for me. Help me fix my mistake."

Looking at him, I could see the cold and hard Dallas Winston that I always knew. 

"Bye Johnny. For now. Don't die while I'm kicking ass."

Oh, Dally.

I could feel myself slipping away. I wanted to let go, but I had to hold on till Dally and Pony got back.

"Johnnycake?" It was Dallas, but it didn't sound like Dallas. His voice was hoarse. "Johnny?"

I stirred weakly, then opened my eyes. "Hey," I managed softly.

"We won," Dally panted. "We beat the Socs. We stomped them--- chased them outa our territory."

 "Useless... fighting's no good...." 

Dally licked his lips nervously. "They're still writing editorials about you in the paper. For being a hero and all." He was talking fast and calmly. "Yeah, they're calling you a hero now and heroizin' all the greasers. We're all proud of you, buddy."

He's proud of me? Finally, that's all I ever wanted, someone to be proud of me, especially Dallas. I knew I could die happily, but not before I spoke to Ponyboy.

"Ponyboy." My voice was low and weak. I didn't know if he was gonna be able to hear me.

He came closer and leaned over. I had to say it quick. I was barely holding on. 

"Stay gold, Ponyboy. Stay gold...", at that moment I let go of everything I had known and loved.

Thank you. Thank you, everyone. Thank you for loving me when the rest of the world didn't.