Hidden Pain (BoyxBoy-Jastin)

Hugs

Justin POV

My eyes flutter open and I blink them a couple of time trying to get the clear my vision. I sigh and sit up a little rubbing my eyes. I scan my eyes around the dark room. I frown knowing I’m all alone. I stood up and went to the bathroom cleaning myself a little. I walk out of the bedroom slowly towards the stairs hearing commotion from downstairs.

I furrow eyebrows at how loud their laughter’s. “Jason?” I yell but not too loud. I don’t know why I’m too afraid to be loud these days. I used to be so carefree before all of that happen. I push back my thought not wanting to break down right now. I’m tired of crying already. “Hey beautiful.” I jump at the voice who was standing in front of me. I look up to see Jason staring at me worriedly. I didn’t even realize he was already in front of me.

I stare at his face not knowing what to say. He smiled at me and open his arms, in instinct I walk slowly towards him. He engulf me in to big hug. I sigh in content. He never fails making me feel safe. “How was your sleep Jay?” he rubs my back softly. “It feels empty.” I mumble in to his shoulder. He let out a soft chuckle and release me gently. He looks down at me still with a warm smile on his face. “I wish you were with me.” I mumble a bit too loud. My eyes widen as I straight away looked down, feeling my cheek flush now.

Jason laugh pulling me in to his arms. I didn’t say or do anything as I was still embarrassed with what I just slipped off. “I’m sorry beautiful. I promised I’ll be there next time alright. Now, stop hiding yourself from me. You know you can always be honest with me Justin. I will never judge or make fun of you.” He said kissing my forehead. “Now come on. Ryan and Chaz have been waiting for you for so long already.” He intertwine our hands and pulls me slowly downstairs towards the boys.

They both stood up from their when they heard the sound of our feet coming down the stairs. They both gave me a heartwarming smile. I smile back and look down at the floor. What is wrong with me? They’re my best friend. Why am I acting like this? Every time they come here and visit me, I will always treat them like strangers and I feel really guilty about it. I’m surprised they’re still come to check on me. “Hey bro.” Ryan was the first one to acknowledge me, as always. I look up, my eyes meeting his. He was smiling but his eyes shows nothing but sadness. I frown at that. I don’t like seeing my best friends sad.

I took one step in front and walk fast towards my two best friend that was just staring at me in confusion. I straight away engulf the both of them in to a bone crushing hug.

They both gaps but I tighten my arms around them, missing them with all my heart. They’ve been here for me no matter what and it’s not fair they way that I’ve been treating them. But they’re still here, never leaving my side. They’re my brothers and I know they will never hurt me, pushing them away is something I should’ve never done in the first place. “I’m sorry.” I apologize quietly, only them could hear. I let go of them slowly still my eyes on them. “Why are you sorry Jay?” Chaz ask looking confused as ever. I sighs and look away. “I’ve.. I’ve been pushing you guys away since..since I got back.” I stutter pathetically. “You have nothing to apologize for bro, we understand and we’re here for you like we should be in the .. in the first place.” Ryan’s voice crack. I frown again. His eyes glass over.

“What are you ..talking about Ry?” I ask. Ryan just shook his head and gave me a hug which I returned. “I’m glad you’re okay Justin. I’ll come again tomorrow. I have to go now.” He mumble on my shoulder as he sniffles. Before I could say anything, he wave goodbyes us and walk out of the house. I was still frowning not knowing what just happen. Why is Ryan so sad? A phone rang interrupted my thought and the awkward silent in the living room. “Yeah mom. I’ll be home now.” Chaz answered his mom I guess. He put back his phone in his pocket and repeat what Ryan did earlier. “Take care bro. Mom’s alert but I’ll be seeing you tomorrow.” He chuckle letting go of me.

He turns to Jason and wink. “Take care of him alright.” With that he leaves the house. I’ve never been in suck awkward situation with them before. I sighs as I know how much what happened has only not only affects me but also the people that are closed to me. They know I’m broken and they’re blaming themselves for it. But why? It’s not their fault, it never is. It’s mine.

 

Jason POV

I watch Justin as he stared at the door where his two best friends had left few minutes ago. He didn’t move at all, just keeping his eyes there. I began to feel worried. “Jay?” I said softly walking towards him. He didn’t reply or move. I touch his shoulder making him flinch a bit but look at me blinking his eyes a couple of times. “Are you alright?” I guide him to the couch. We sat down on it. Justin stare down at his hand. I wrap my one arm around his shoulder. “What’s wrong beautiful?” I whisper softly. He didn’t say anything but I could see some water droplet falling from his eyes to his hand. I look at him frowning. I know he was crying even though I can’t see his face. I pulled him gently to lay down with me. The couch is big enough for the both of us.

He turns around and press his face to my chest as I ran my hand through his sof hair. “What’s going on Jay?” I ask again. He sniffles as he grip my shirt but I didn’t care. “Hey hey, why are you crying baby boy?” I coo lifting up his chin for me to be met with his flush red cheek. His eyes was red and tears keeps falling down his cheek. He bite his lips, trying to hold his sobs. I frown even more seeing how devastated he looks right now. I wipe his tears still staring at his beautiful eyes. “Tell me.” I whisper so ever softly, only us can hear. “I’m..i’mm.. scared.” He admitted still holding himself from breaking in to sobs.

“What are you scared of baby boy?” I ask. “I.. I don’t want them .. to ..to leave me Ja..jason.. I don’t want.. them.. to.. to give up on me.” He struggle to said and press his face in to my chest further. “Justin…” I pull him away from my shoulder softly making sure he looks directly in to my eyes. “No one will ever give up on you. No one is going to leave you Jay. They loved you too much to ever do that. They love you so much Justin that I can promised you, they will never ever thought of leaving you. I know you feel worthless right now, I know you felt like you have disappointed everyone you love but you’re not Justin. You’re not doing anything wrong.” I paused, taking a deep breath.

His brown eyes was still staring at me with tears never ending falling from them. I wish I could stop those tears. “You have to remember that Jay. This is not your fault. Whatever happened was never and will never ever be your fault.” I finish. Then I remembered what happen with Ryan just now. That must have make Justin confuse as to why he’s like this right now. “Ryan is just scared for you Jay.” I said softly. I smile and remove some of his hair on his forehead. “He’s just scared he’d lose you again. He cares about you and he just didn’t want anything bad to happen to you again.” I tried to explain. I didn’t want to explain more, I’d leaved that to Ryan to explain to Justin one day, that’s not my place to talk.

He sniffles and nod his head slowly. “Can I have a cuddle now?” he ask out of nowhere looking at me with those beautiful innocent eyes, red nose and flush cheek. I let out a laugh and shook my head at how adorable he’s being right now. “Of course baby boy. Cuddle up.” I joked spreading my arms like a big bear, he scoff a little but wrap his arms around my waist and nuzzle his face in to my neck. I wrap my arms protectively around him. He sigh in content. “I never want you to ever leave me Jason.” He said sleepily as he slowly falling asleep. I laid there in shock at what I just heard him say. Did he really meant that?

Hello Lovelies!

Too many hugs in this chapter right?

 I guess I just feel like I wanna hug someone but no one to cuddle. Lol.

Anyways,

What do you guys think?

You can see their relationship are building up and Justin is a lot more comfortable with Jason.

I’m sorry if it’s boring or just like a filter chapter, it’s just Justin is still recovering and as I said earlier, I’m taking their relationship slowly.

Justin needs to recover and Jason will be there through every steps. Isn’t that just the sweetest?

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Love you guys so much!