Vast Sand (Bleach x M! Reader)

Chapter-19

.Understanding.

1st POV

Why. Just why.

Why does it have to be like this. Just why.

Why do I have a feeling that Ed put me in this world just to suffer. Just why.

Why do I have a feeling that this will cause trouble in the future for this sole purpose. Just why.

And why do I even have to take any more time just for this 'request' to gain a bonus reward, why the fuck did I even agree to begin with?!

JUST. WHY?!

...

*Sigh...

I just hate my life right now. I really do. Why do I always make a decision without even thinking it clearly?

Or I'm just being lazy because this will cause me a lot of trouble.

I just don't know anymore.

You know what. It's probably because I'm becoming more lazy as time goes by, yeah probably that.

It's not some instinct or a gut feeling that its telling me now that it's going to be a hassle dealing with the 'request'. It's not that, right...?

I really hope that it's not going to be a hassle, I just really hope. I don't want it to be.

I'm now tired. Well... mentally tired. I also have to worry about my people about their well being.

What if they need me there? I don't want them to let them down or even maybe think about me abandoning them.

I just don't want that. I may be strong in the outside but I'm still weak because I'm a human inside.

I don't want to see their faces filled with despair and betrayal, that would hurt me. Their the beings that I have a very close bind with. All of them.

And i don't want to lose them. At all.

And the fact that this 'request' is taking more of my time being here and away from my home is making me feel more responsible about them.

Goddamn you Ed. Just why do I even need to do this? And just why did i even agreed?

(T~T) *Sob...

While I'm having another mental breakdown here in this world, I told Ezekiah to find a certain someone.

Well Ed told me to confront him and talk to him and let out his feelings. If I did that Ed will give me a bonus.

And if Ed find the action 'worthy' then he'll give me a another bonus. And if it also reaches the heart of that man, then he'll give me another but bigger bonus.

And while Ezekiah was navigating the sees, here I am not only having a mental breakdown, but also planning and making a speech to make that man's heart dance.

...

Why do I feel that what I said sounds so wrong and can be taken in a wrong way..?