Recovery. (Phan)

Breathless.

Trigger warning.

"You're a worthless piece of shit"

"Die, no one would miss you."

"No loves you at all, Dan, look at you, your a mess."

I could hear my conscience replay comments of negativity, my hands clutching up into fists, sorrow pumping through my veins, wearing down my body's functions and springing warm salty tears from my eyes.

I sat in the bathtub tightly holding my knees. The frigid water caressing my skin causing it to turn a pale color. I glanced at my note on the countertop, the one that was constantly rewritten, making sure to address everyone who had hurt me, and made me feel worthless. It constantly reminding me of its presence.

I decided it was finally time, time to relieve myself of all my pain. I began to slouch sending my body deeper and deeper into the water, closing my eyes while doing so. Lingering underwater, I began to feel a sharp pain in my lungs, begging and pleading for air. I clutched the sides of the tub trying to bare the pain.

Stay.

Please stay.

You deserve this no one loves you, so what's the point?

I nodded my head, trying to ignore my lungs cries for help.

It was almost like my mind had created a force so strong, pushing me deeper and deeper into the water.

My supply of oxygen in my body became low, I began to thrash my body for air, gasping and choking on the water that was trying to help. Trying to save me from anymore hurt.

I grabbed the sides of the tub, banging my head on the ceramic surface. I came back up for the air that I lacked. "Fuck!" I screamed out in pain. I rested my head in my now pruned hands "Go back down!" I screamed at myself, repeating the process. I could hear the muffled sounds of my mother yelling at me through the locked door.

"DAN WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN THERE?!" She choked out viciously banging on the door with her fists.

I remained silent and dunked my head back into the water.

"DANIEL JAMES I FUCKING SWEAR TO GOD!" She was quiet for a second until I heard the key I forgot about unlock the door.

"DAN!" She cried grabbing my shoulders and picking me up for air. My vision was quite hazy but I could definitely see the disappointment and sorrow displayed on my mothers tired face.

She wrapped me up in a towel and sat me on my bed.

I failed.

I can't do anything right..

A/N

Yay! Intro done! I know this isn't one of the happiest stories I've ever written... But trust me the first chapter is a lighter mood! And I apologize in advance for all the cursing in this chapter it just adds more of a dramatic effect into the story... eeep! I hope you like this story I love you my little kittens <3 - Olivia.