Recovery. (Phan)

(6) Reality Check

Death is involved in this chapter so please be careful while reading okay ily byeee. (The death is neither Dan or Phil bt dubs)

I awaken to light pouring out of my bedroom window temporarily blinding me, regaining my vision I simply watched the dust mites gather in the light and dance around intriguing me to just lay in my comfy bed forever.

The house was oddly silent, I could hear cars zipping by on the street right in front of our house, on a normal day my mother would be up at 5:30am sipping a cup of coffee watching reruns of Friends, but yet I could not hear the tiny voices of people on the tv. I arose from bed and tip toed on down the stairs small creaks from the stairs echoing after each step, the kitchen lights were dimmed but there sat my mother, right at the dinner table, her deep brown eyes opened but her body was still. A burnt out cigarette still appeared to be in her hand and a half sipped cup of alcohol was right next to her. My body felt frozen, this can't be reality, I do several reality checks to make sure im conscious, Forcing my feet to walk towards my mothers empty body I waved my hand inches away from her face, her eyes didn't even move. "M-mum...?" I grabbed her shoulder and slightly shook her, which only caused her body to rest further in the seat.

I covered my mouth with my hand, my eyes began to well up at the thought of this moment being an ounce real

My mum was dead.

I sat in a seat right next to her trying to process this, this cant be happening to me, tears began to cover the wooden table, my cries echoed throughout the whole house. I was such a fucking dick to her, I should've just paid attention to her and gave her help when she needed it.

I am alone.

I could hear her sweet voice began to echo in my head, she was the one that introduced me to Phil, she was the one that tried to protect me from my father, and she is the one that prevented me from killing myself, it's so funny how blind I was to reality, how blind I was to an event that wasn't even that far away.

I shakily got up and dialed the only number I knew .

"Hello...? Dan is that you?" a sleepy voice answered

"Phil, please let me c-come over I-I just...please..." By now I was in tears I couldn't stop. What do you do when you feel like your about to fall off the face of the earth?

There was a long silence between the two of us before he sighed out an "Okay.."

Even though Phil and I had fought it relieved me that he looked over that and noticed my cry for help.

***

I finally reached his doorstep 15 minutes after he had texted me his address, Tears still gathered at my eyes as I traced a little circles in the snow with my black converse. I hesitated knocking at his door, what if he is still angry after all I put him through? My stomach began to ache with anxiety but Before I could even knock  I heard footsteps from inside the house approach the door. Slowly creaking open I saw the black haired male peak his head out before he opened the door widely.

Neither of us gave each other a verbal greeting but rather tightly hugged each other. I cried loudly into Phils grey shirt, each tear spot turning a darker shade of gray once hitting the fabric, I was shocked to see Phil standing barefoot in the snow, it almost made me laugh but I said nothing.

"I saw you walk up through the window." he whispered giving my neck a little peck. Goosebumps rose to my skin from that little sign of love Phil gave me,

I love him so much.

***

The elders cheeks were still rosy after being outside without a coat for so long, he handed me a cup of coffee and sat beside me on the couch.

"Phil, I can't go back home, please don't send me home." My hands rapidly shaking around the coffee mug causing small little ripples in the hot beverage.

"Why would I do that Dan?" he said a look of sympathy crossed his face

"Aren't you angry with me?" I sniffled letting my face rest in the palms of my hands

"I'm more angry with myself Daniel James, I'm sorry I lashed out okay? I never really..."

The raven haired man stopped in mid sentence and scanned my face with his piercing blue eyes

"Loved someone before..." he caressed my face as I was still shocked at what he just admitted, he said he loved me.. Phil Lester loves me, a smile crept up on my face as I began to cuddle up next to him, I was so close to his chest I could hear his slow steady face beat against, he was warm.

"Phil, she just....she just died, and I left her there." I continued to sobbed, Phils chest expanded as he let out a large sigh.

"We'll get this sorted out I promise Dan, you have nothing to worry about."