Recovery. (Phan)

(1) Therapy.

Trigger warning

"Dan please just go in." My mother sighed resting her head in the palm of her hands. The car came to a sudden halt in front of a dreary hospital we have passed by many times before. It's cracked walls and overall foundation screams that it is a rather old building.

I said nothing. But looked out of the car window, raindrops running down the glass surface only adding more sorrow to my mood.

"Dan!" She yelled slamming her hands on the rim of the steering wheel, head jolting to look at me. Her fatigued eyes looked blotchy, red, and irritated. "I'm just trying to help you... I-I want you to get help, don't you want that? Don't you want some help?"

"I don't need help." I rolled my eyes continuing to look out the window. All of a sudden she snapped her seatbelt off and quickly got out of the car, I watched her angrily walk over to my side and open the car door. "Get out." She grabbed my hand and pulled me out. "Your doing this I don't fucking care if you think you don't need this. You do Dan, you really fucking do." Driving off she left me looking at the hospital before me.

Ever since my father left my mother and I alone to fend for ourselves it has been very, very easy to get her upset and irritated at not only me but the world.

Sighing I  opened the double doors and made my up the stairs to the therapy facility as soon as I got there I see a waiting room, filled with many people that didn't want to be here, like me. If I had wanted "help" I would've asked for it, I may be many things but a naïve child that needs discipline to be placed in the right spot. I sat down next to a girl who actually seemed very happy and chipper, her smile the only bright thing that was illuminating the dim room. I saw her glance at me in the corner of her eye until she decided to turn her whole head around to get a good stare.

"Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer.." I snapped shooting a glare at her. But all she did was chuckle at my bitterness "Funny.." she trailed off  "Why are you here, I've never seen you around?" she questioned her brown hair covering part of her eye, it angred me how see thought that she's top dog in this facility, like she knows everyone, she knows nothing about me. "I could ask you the same.." I glanced at her and continued watching the many people pass by through the automatic sliding glass doors in front of me. "Well I'm here waiting for my sister... she's with Dr. Phillip Lester, she's so lucky to get to even talk to him so long....You're almost as cute as him." she laughed gushing at the slightest thought of this dreamy Phil guy, I widened my eyes at this statement because one, I have never thought of myself as "cute" and two, I have no interest in girls what so ever, I never have actually..

"Oh? And what do you particularly find so cute?" I asked curiously

"Your little brown eyes, the way they sparkle in this horrible lighting, you're obviously one of a kind.." She smiled staring into my eyes that apparently sparkled. 

"Well...There's my sister..." she pointed with the direction of her glance , to a girl that looked quite shy, fumbling with fingers quite nervously as though someone were watching and judging her every movement.

"I'll see you around.....?"

"Dan."

"Dan." she nodded her head confirming a new name with a new face "Beautiful.." she ruffled my hair and continued moving out of the doors with her sister.

As I watched them walk out I saw another figure walk in in exchange, he looked quite casual his blue eyes frantically looking for someone

"Daniel Howell?" he asked to the whole room

I got up and made my way towards him, his eyes glimmering when turned my way.

"Ahh, Daniel, I've heard so much about you." he says leading me down a brightly lighten corridor into a small workspace that looked way more like a living room than a therapy office. He sat in the leather chair behind his desk that is spilling over with papers and binders and occasional framed photos of him on some kind of yacht.

"My name is Phillip Lester." I gently clasped my hand with his for a brief handshake. I will have to admit, the joyous girl in the waiting room was right, he was gorgeous. The way his medium jet black hair fell into his eyes, that were beautiful shades of blue and green and occasional grey, his creamy complexion blemish free and his smile almost makes my heart melt.

Phil quickly turned his chair around for a pen and looked straight at me.

"How are we feeling today, Daniel?" he asked sweeping the hair from out of his face.

"Alright....I guess."

"Are you lying to me?"

"No....Y-yes."  I stammered trying to keep cool.

"Personally, I think the first part to getting to know someone is trust, Daniel."

"Well okay if you insist." I smirked "In fact I'm not alright, I would not like to be here, I don't even need to be here, I'm not crazy." I cracked my knuckles but then cringed at the sound it made when the noise bounced off the walls.

"And why do you think that you are here right now?" he asked smirking back, for some reason he worried me, it's like he knows what I'm going to say before it even comes out of my mouth.

"Well my mom made me come here."

"Why do you think that is so?"

"Because she's worried that I'll try to do what I did again, commit suicide."

The two words almost seemed to choke out of my mouth, like it didn't feel right.

Phil began to write down how crazy he thought I was on to the clipboard while nodding his head, as if he was talking to himself in his mind. It made me feel uncomfortable like I had did or said something wrong.

"Why do you, Daniel James, think that you did it?" he calmly waited for my response by clasping his hands together and leaning back in his chair.

I swallowed trying to hold back tears.

"I-I um, my boyfriend and I were going through a rough patch, but not the kind of rough patch normal couples go through, h-he um..."

I looked down at my thighs as soon as I could feel my emotions catching up with me, I could hear Phil slide a box of tissues across the desk.

"Daniel, we don't have to talk about it today if you don't want to, I know we just met and all, let's try to get to know each other."

I nodded trying to clear my mind of all of the memories

"Alright, tell me about your family, what are they like?"

"I live with my mom, my dad left us a couple years ago. I don't miss him at all, he used to hit me. My mom tried to stop him but he never would."

Phil nodded and continued to write. He stopped to look at the time.

"Daniel, that is all for now, But, remember that life is very precious and valuable, especially yours"

he warmly smiled and set down his clipboard.

Yay first official chapter! I know this is short but I'm really excited to be writing this, you guys wanted updates already which is pretty amazing, I love you so so much! happy reading <3