Recovery. (Phan)

(2) Bruises and Scars

Over the years I have realized that sometimes bruises and scars can tell a story about you as a whole, whether it's little ones from the cat pawing you, you bump your hip on a table, or something more broad and life changing they all mean something. But me? My body is decorated with them, large bruises on my torso all the way down to my legs and back area. Especially my behind, the slashes and the whips remind me of a darker time.

I looked at myself in the mirror grazing my fingertips across the "body art" I personally think mine look gross. The way their shaped and their color, shades of blue, green, and occasionally yellow. What has happened to me. What have I become? Does this label me as

Broken?

"Daniel James, it's time for dinner!" I heard my mother softly call from below the steps "Coming!" I said taking one last look and slipping on my shirt. I quickly walked downstairs to see my mother already started, a gray blanket wrapped around her tiny frame, looking more fatigued than yesterday.

I sat across from her and watched her take tiny bites of her salad "How was therapy the other day?" she asked not looking up from her food. "Alright.." I said remembering those deep blue eyes and warm smile. "Did you make any friends...?" she questioned raising her brow "No." I responded. I didn't feel exactly hungry but I knew that my mothers dinners are usually lonely and quiet when I'm not around. I watched her fiddle her peas around on the plate with her fork.

"Daniel?" she asked this time making eye contact with me, a gleam in her eye that could only tell me that what's she's about to say is going to be.. different.

"Please, never, ever leave me, please..." she pleaded tears coming to her eyes. I could understand it pain her to ask me to do this certain deed but i nodded my head in understanding. I came to her side of the table and tucked the blanket more snug around her "I will never leave you, I promise." This promise brought worry to my heart, because I really don't know what she means, I cant stay by her side exactly forever..

***

I'm not exactly the religious type, at all, actually but would it be weird to say that Phil is sent from heaven? Every time I see him I find more to fall in love with, it's funny how when you really find out how beautiful someone is, everything about them seems so foreign, like, I can't believe they do normal everyday tasks they are literally human, just like I. I even notice his tiny facial features, like the faint freckles he gets from the sun, and the way he smiles when i say something witty or smart, or the way his eyes grow in seriousness when he spreads some of his words of wisdom to me.

"How are you today Dan?"

"Better."

"Oh and why is that?" he raised a brow and paused whatever he was writing in the notebook of secrets

"Because I'm here, w-with you I mean.."

he nodded but said nothing, there was an awkward five seconds of him writing in his notebook. "So...? Why do you like being here with me Daniel? We've only had but 3 sessions."

I laughed to myself scrunching my face trying to pretend that I wasn't so horrible at flirting with a man a little older than me, "You make me feel important, like someone actually wants to hear me blabber on about my life."

"I find your blabbering quite soothing Daniel."

I blushed furiously and quickly looked down at my knees, I could feel the blood rapidly pumping through my veins.

"Don't be nervous, alright? You weren't nervous before you don't have to be now."

Phil got up from his seat and sat on the front of his desk only inches away from me.

"Quit downing yourself Daniel, self confidence is the first way that you can get better in tact with yourself you know." Phil warmly smiled and patted my thigh. It's so weird how he could almost read my mind..

"Alright so, I want to get to know you more, I remember us last leaving the memories of your father on the table, would you like to continue you thoughts, opinions, stories?"

I swallowed my own spit going over the horrible memories in my head giving me a migraine, my eyes glistening with tears. "Uh, well one night my mother and I were cooking dinner, she was doing most of the work, I was just more or less hogging her work space.. and my father entered the house, drunk, he smelled like booze and sex, mostly because he thought that we didn't know that he picks up prostitutes to get his mind off things. He came over to me a-and slapped me in the face, calling me a fag, and a basic disgrace to our family, I remember the s-sharp feeling of him stomping on my rib cage and stomach area, I-it hurt so bad, I can almost just feeling it from talking about it.. This was probably a day or two after I came out to my mother and father, he obviously didn't appreciate it.. It never really occurred to me how late he reacted, at first I thought he was fine with it, he didn't say anything but nod he head when I told him."

"What was your mother doing this during this episode?"

"Cowering in fear.. she didn't like idea of my father hitting me, but really what else could she do?"

Phil continued to write in his notebook "You're a very beautiful boy, you deserve way better treatment Daniel.."

"Thank you.." I choked out while internally screaming, I've never heard someone call me beautiful, like ever actually. Well at least now I know the feeling is mutual, hopefully..

"Dan, you've been through a lot and I understand that, but have you ever thought about joining a gay-straight alliance?"

"No"

"Well please consider it, it'll help you understand your not the only one out there, okay?"

"Alright."

This is unfortunately a very short chapter so sorry! Im hoping you guys like the story so far... I don't really know if anyones reading because I haven't gotten any activity in the past few days hope your doing well, love you guys! <3