Silos of Man

Chapter 19 - Give It to Me Straight Doctor

Ryann's been using my car since Monday, because Blake borrowed hers again.  That poor kid has had the worst luck with her vehicle's reliability.  I'm grateful though because I've needed the walks as I haven't really had anytime to exercise.  I know that the overwhelmed confusion in my head for the past four days, is just my mind trying to convince me that I don't understand what's going on.  Problem is that I think I'm getting an idea of what's going on and I don't know how to reconcile it with my understanding of how the world works.  I need to talk to Tom.  I need to stay calm, collected, alert and patient.

My stomach turns at the idea of keeping all this from Joan, but I honestly feel like I don't know who or what to trust right now. My time with Tom last weekend has made me paranoid and I have an escalating fear that I may have left some evidence behind when I went into the lab last week. The reality is that I'm almost certainly OCD, so every day my lab is packed-up, cleaned-up and reorganized as though I'm leaving on winter holidays. I'm confident that I'll get there to find my lab in proper order with no evidence of my previous attendance's efforts. The problem is, I'm left susceptible to obsessing over thoughts that come into my head, and as I replay my evening with Tom and our secret-underground team of concerned scientists, I'm getting increasingly scared about how paranoid Tom was in real life. I just have to go in and double check that I left no evidence, or I'll keep spinning like this.

Once I'm inside our main lab centre and approach the lab door I can hear Joan's voice.  She sounds frustrated and concerned.  I know no-one is due at the lab today, because unless we have something pressing that we're working on, Joan discourages our team from working on the weekends.  This place was supposed to be empty until Monday morning.  It looks like that's what Joan was counting on too because this sounded like a private kind of conversation. 

I'm compelled to knock on her door but I restrain myself.  There's no room for sentimentality right now and I've been presented with an opportunity to hear some uncensored conversation between one of my closest advisors and presumably a top Science Council member – don't be a fool Dany. 

"I don't understand what's taking so goddamn long, Rob.  I can't keep bobbing and weaving like this.  She'll become suspicious this week when the next natural and logical steps to examining the anomaly aren't followed." Joan's voice delivered that with more poise this time.  She's either about to move in for the kill, or she's just about to concede.

"Well that only gives us seven days to find a way to reverse course if we're going with this to fill in the gap, otherwise we have to circulate it on the GMS, because too many people have heard it.  Remember that I presented this as a possible excuse to buy time because I was hearing crickets from the Councils.  I never actually expected for New London to use it and send the whole world into a spin, which is obviously what would happen."  I could actually hear the muffled voices on the other end of the call through Joan's door.  Emotions were interfering in the conversation on both sides, it would appear. 

"Of course I know how many minds are working on this, but I'm wondering how many of those minds come down here to mingle with the masses enough to understand how life actually rolls out in the bottom three levels.  People are worried about their domestic contentment.  They want families and so they'll pivot from their contributory work.  That's still nature – the drive to breed.  We haven't been able to extinguish that one yet." 

Ooh, sarcasm. She's winding-up for some tough blows to the other caller. A long pause was followed by Joan's quiet response of, "Okay, okay, Rob, look, I'll stay the course for now and keep everyone as focused away from their questions as possible, but please, for pity's sake, develop a better explanation for the confiscation of the samples than the possible end of the human species." Wow, she both conceded and hit back – that took skill.

"We'll be in touch," concluded the caller on the other side of the call. The conversation ended and I heard Joan's chair slide backwards with force. She's up pacing and I'm terrified. Before I can dart away out of sight, she flings her office door open, and there I am. I have just enough time to get myself placed in front of the door and look like I'm just arriving.

Her eyes meet mine and we both freeze. She's exposed and raw and clearly didn't expect to see me there. I can see that she feels vulnerable at that moment and despite the fact that I have no idea how to proceed, I cease it as an opportunity to take control of the situation. "Oh, hi, Joan. I didn't expect to see anyone in here. I'm just running in quickly to see if I left my favourite ear buds here. I've looked everywhere at home and both cars." I ramp-up the humoured frustration and observe her spine relax a little.  

"When did you get here, Dan, I didn't hear you come in."  "Literally just this second,", I delivered with just the right amount of nonchalance and confidence that her disarming continued.  "These earbuds are driving me crazy.  I've been searching for them for three damn days, Joan!"  I chuckle naturally.  She smiles, pats me on the back, confirms that she hasn't seen them, wishes me good luck and retreats back to her office. 

I'm so grateful to my biology for holding back the beads of sweat that form around the rim of my forehead until she stepped away from me. Now that I'm alone after eavesdropping on my boss during a private and apparently sensitive conversation with the upper Councils of the Circle, however, my adrenaline shield cracks, leaving me shaky and sweating. I slowly make my way to my office, trying desperately to move normally, despite the alarm bells about Joan, going off in my head. I want so desperately to close the door to my lab while I conduct my scan for incriminating evidence, but if she notices then it'll look suspicious, so I leave it open. I go through the motions of looking for my earphones, while actually assessing my work space for any clues that I've been looking into this anomalous sample claim.

Just as I reassure myself that everything is in order at my lab workspace, I notice two of our recording devices missing.  Chills run up my spine again.  I've heard a lot today, and have so much processing to do.  Who was the "she" Joan referred to and about what will "she" be "suspicious"?  Is it me?  Cuz' I'm suspicious as hell.  What Is Joan managing over here?  What were the documents left under my door?  What the hell is going on with the samples and my experimental cure!?  I've got to connect with Tom.  It's time to see just how far my canary can go in this coal mine.