The Serene Song of The Broken Singer

Ch.I Trixibella Morris

Run, Run, RUN.

"My heart thumps against my rib cage with a raging rhythm and my breaths are coming out short and quick. I feel like my chest was on fire as it constricted to try and push the oxygen into my lungs, but it was useless. It was all so futile. My calves were burning and cramping and they protested for me to stop, but I couldn't. My blood was being pumped through my body at an alarming rate as my brain was in a frenzy. I couldn't think straight as the sweat was falling down my forehead and neck. I felt disgusting and felt like I needed to stop to catch my breath, but I couldn't. Not unless I wanted to be caught.

I didn't want to be caught.

So, I pushed my body further as my stomach was churning in a squeamish way and I couldn't even feel myself breathing anymore. The air was whipping against the back of my throat as I was running with my mouth open because it was just too hard to breathe through my nose anymore. Tears were threatening to spill and I didn't know what to do anymore. I wanted to keep running, but my body was protesting, it was shutting down. I could tell as I started to run with a limp and a whimper passed my lips as I closed my eyes tightly.

I had to keep going.

They were to catch up to me. They drag me back to that god forsaken house and hit me, kick me, choke me, cut me; they'll abuse me. My lungs cried out in protest as I let out a sob and I could feel my body start to tremble. I felt so nauseous, darkness was coming for me, but I had to push myself. I had to fight for my life, after all if I didn't then who would?

I let out an ear piercing scream as my body goes flying in the air and I land on the ground with a terrible sound. It sounded like something broke. I felt immense pain. I felt sick to my stomach and that's when I couldn't hold it in anymore. I turned my head weakly and I let yesterday's lunch fall out of my mouth as I vomited. My nose gets offended by the smell but I couldn't find it within me to truly care about it as I started to wheeze and cry. I couldn't even find it in myself to breathe. I was squirming on the ground in immense pain and running out of oxygen. I didn't want to die this way. I couldn't. Not now.

Not when I've gotten so far.

Metal slams against metal and I close my eyes tightly as I could hear maniac laughing, wood scraping against the pavement of the road, and that's when it happened. An ear piercing ringing shot through the air and I felt an increased pain in my abdomen. I didn't want this anymore. I was sick of this life. I didn't want to be a part of it.

My eyes grew heavy and all that flooded my mind was that I wanted freedom. I wanted freedom, just like how my brother found it. He was younger than me. His hair was a bright red as freckles covered his nose and cheeks, just like me, but his skin was so pale, sickly pale. But, I guess it was because of malnutrition. I guess it was because of the abuse, the pain, the mental fatigue, everything. He was twelve. He was so young. He had a whole life ahead of him. They took that away from him. What about my sister? She found release too. She was older, but only by a few minutes. Her hair was a raven black and her eyes shined with a rebellious blue. I have the same eyes. I tried to scrape my eyes out of my eye sockets before. I was chained to my bed for the whole week and starved. My sister was only nineteen. She was another one that had her life taken from her too young. She had the most color to her. I think she was stealing food from them. She didn't care for our brother or me. She was selfish. She was cruel. She was just like them. But, she cared. She made me feel better when I was running with a fever. She felt guilt. She ended her life. Her and my brother were in a suicide pact. I was in on it too.

I was supposed to die that day too. I was supposed to have my freedom too. My sister would hold me at night and tell me all the things she did. She bought the rope. She bought the drugs. She bought the blades. She found the hiding spot. She found someone to bury our bodies. She found out the day they would be gone at a party. I never thought that I would be the one to bury their bodies. I was left alone. They didn't care. They told me to bury my siblings in the backyard. I didn't do it. I threw their bodies into the river with rocks tied to their bodies. Their bodies were found a week later. No one was accused or arrested. No one knew what was going on behind the closed doors.

I was spat on. I was cut. I was having a panic attack and they didn't care. No one cared. Not my siblings and certainly not them. I had planned to be with my siblings, but they held me back and gave me a beating, bringing me close to death because I failed my exams. I didn't get into the college they wanted me to go to. I wasn't the prestigious student they thought I was. I studied so hard even as they abused me, berated me, stabbed me. I studied. I studied so fucking hard and they still blamed it on me. They said I didn't study enough, I didn't study hard enough. How could I? I did the house chores, I took care of my brother, I made sure my sister stayed out of trouble, I was planning on dying. I still wanted to go to school though.

They were wasted dreams.

Tears leaked out of my eyes as I could feel my body being lifted from the cold ground and all I wanted to do was cry. I didn't want to go back. I didn't want things to go back to how they were before. I just wanted to die. I wanted to be with my siblings whether it be in Hell or Heaven or Purgatory. I wanted to feel safe and comforted. I didn't want to die in their hands. Sister would call me pathetic. Brother would say I would be lucky enough if they even killed me. They were so cruel. But, they only told me the truth. They didn't want to hide it. They didn't want to baby me. They were tired of doing so. They were done with me being ignorant and optimistic. They threw me to the wolves that were our parents. It's okay though. I was never mad at them. I never felt betrayed. I loved them. I cared for them. I wanted to protect them.

It didn't even matter they left me behind. It didn't matter they told me to not bother with studying. It was okay. They blamed their slacking and laziness on me. It's okay I took their beatings. It's okay they told me no one cared about me and it would be better to kill myself. To join them. It's all okay because even though they clearly hated me, they wanted to protect me. They wanted me with them.

I was wanted.

It made me so happy. My heart was beating rapidly in my chest because I was excited. I finally felt like I was part of the group. I finally felt like I was loved. I wanted to be loved. I wanted to be accepted. Sister never loved me until that point. She had even trained brother to not love me. But, he loved me. He loved me that day. I was happy. I could've died at that moment, but I didn't. I think my sister and brother would've been sad. They would've missed me as I miss them now.

I was losing too much blood. I didn't care. The pain was getting to be bearable. I could see the light. I was going to be okay. I was finally going to be okay. I would finally join my sister and brother. I would finally be loved once more.

It didn't even cross my mind that perhaps they were in Heaven and I would be in Hell. It didn't matter. They were my siblings. I'm sure there were exceptions. I'm sure I would see them and we could finally be a happy family. I'm ready. I'm ready to join them.

My hand falls limply to the side as I had been holding my wound at that point. My hands felt sticky and gooey, but I didn't care. The blood was starting to harden and soon they would be dried. The feeling would go away if I was even alive long for that to happen. I don't think I will be though. My heart was beating increasingly slower and slower. My breathing was basically nonexistent. I felt lighter, happier.

I'm finally happy.