The Serene Song of The Broken Singer

Ch.V Trixibella Morris

Wander, Wander, WANDER

Sweat covered me from head to toe as a stench of a rotting corpse covered my body. Most animals in the area were scurrying away from me and I don't blame them. The sun was high above my head now and noon time was the hottest time of the day. It didn't help that summer didn't end that long ago and so the blood that had dried on me was now smelling musty and like a corpse as it ran with my sweat. I felt disgusting and my obsessive-compulsive thoughts clouded my mind as my hunger had long ago abandoned me.

I pant, exhausted and I grab onto a tree as my knees are threatening to give out at any second and I look ahead me with a look of confusion and loss on my face. I was no longer determined to exist in these woods as I once was, but I knew if I wanted to live to see another day then I would have to find a way out of the woods. Especially more so since I haven't come upon a water source and I was on day two without any water. Day three I would die of dehydration.

Everything felt so futile.

I hang my head and I let my body carry me down to the ground and I bring my knees to my chest as I wrap my arms around them and I close my eyes pitifully.

My muscles were screaming in pain and exhaustion, my mind was haywire because of the blood, my nose felt like it was done breathing with the smell that clung to me, and my head was suffering from a splitting headache in general. I was a mess and I just wish I had either died or had escaped my parents. But, none of those options came to fruition.

A sigh clung to my lungs as I lean my head on the tree and I look at the sky above with a blank stare. There was a deep hollowness in my heart that could be felt and it made me feel helpless. It felt like I was stranded and perhaps the feelings came from killing my own parents, or perhaps burying my own siblings, whatever the reason it just felt shallow and hollow.

'I have to keep going.' I tell myself and with much to my feets dismay I rise on them and I cling to the tree for stability as I look to the path ahead of me. I saw nothing but the continuing woods and it deterred me a bit, but I shoved myself off of the tree and I forced my legs to sprint for as long as they could carry me.

Adrenaline was rushing in my veins and body as a whole as I ran in the woods and the wind whipped against my face as the leaves crunched beneath my feet. My heart was beating crazily against my ribs as my hands were clenching and unclenching as my jaw was tightened as I grinded down on my molars.

Adrenaline and determination was running through my veins and it gave my body enough power to push forward and from my own death. My muscles were aching and cramping, but I ignored it all. I ran through the woods that I'm starting to realize is a forest. Although I don't know the difference between the two as I never got a proper education when I was living with my family. My parents never bothered as they said it would do me better to learn to do chores instead of getting an education.

I didn't even know education was a thing until I saw a bus in my neighborhood and I had asked my sister about it. My sister was cleaning the kitchen at the time and she had looked at me with such disdain as she had boredly said the thing I saw was called a 'bus'. She also explained that the bus hauls children off to a school and the school teaches the kids things like math, science, english, and so on. I had asked her when we would go and she said never. She was growing tired of my questions and I could tell, but I decided to push my luck and ask her how she knew all of this information.

My sister lashed out and hit me with the broom she was cleaning with. I had let out a cry of pain and she looked down at me with hatred deep in her eyes as she said she came to know all of that information because of her friend. I didn't ask who her friend was. In fact, I never got to know the identity of her friend even after she had passed.

That memory seems so far away now and I wonder for a brief moment how my sister could come to hate me so much. Mother and father favored no children and they treated us the same. But, maybe she hated me so much because of our great aunt Teresa.

Great aunt Teresa had once told my sister and me that she and the rest of the outer family would have accepted us if I didn't look like such a black sheep of the family. Told me I was lucky that I was still alive and not left in some ditch after I was born. Told me I was a disgrace to the family. Called me an abomination. A creation made of lies.

What lies? I don't know.

But, I do know it is not the lies of my parents' relationship as my great aunt Teresa had a blood test on me. I was related both to my mother and father. That information etched a frown on great aunt Teresa's face and I never saw her again since that day.

I think she would've liked me to be the product of an affair than as the product of my parents and I wish in some way that was true too. I wish I was the product of an affair because maybe then I would have a chance of a loving family, of loving parents. My dreams were crushed as long as great aunt Teresa's.

I'm sure that's where my sister's hatred came from.

I'm sure that's where the origins lie, but I felt a nagging feeling in me that I was wrong. That I am still missing something, that there's more to the story. But, I didn't care. My sister didn't care for me or our brother. She only cared for herself, abused me and berated me. She was no sister, neither or less my twin. As far as I was concerned she was buried six feet under and that's all to her name. That's all to her. No one would miss her. Our brother was dead, our parents were dead, and our outer family shunned us. Even with time I'm sure I would forget her.

A sigh escapes past my lips and lungs expand in exasperation as I struggle for air and I slowly come to a stop in my running as I put my hands on my knees as I slightly crouch down and I breathe the air painfully. My lungs were in pain and my body was in pain, but I didn't care. I couldn't find it in myself to care.

I could feel it.

I could feel the freedom that is promised to me. I could tell something was not far ahead of me and soon I would be safe.

So I pushed myself once more as my body protested and my body was ready to give out at any second.