Nothing's Changed [Byakuya × Renji]

22 - Self Reflection

Once Byakuya was the only remaining person in his temporary classroom he plucked his phone from his pocket as he walked back go his small desk and opened his most recent text log

Everything is good
now Monkey, it's
been sorted out with
Ganju <3

Renji felt his phone buzz on his lap and picked it up, smiling at the message he recieved and started to type back

Everything is good
now Monkey, it's
been sorted out with
Ganju <3

Really???

SICK!!!

Thank you Yaka!
you're the best!

how's school so far?

It's alright, lunchtime
now

How is it at home?

Renji glanced up from his phone and looked around his bedroom sarcastically, snickering a little to himself before answering

pretty alright ya know
a little lonely

but I got you now :)

This earned a faint chuckle from the raven back at school, leaning back in his chair and slouching; something he rarely did, a coy smile resting on his usually stoic face

but I got you now :)

I suppose so, but only
for a short while

Did you enjoy our time
together yesterday?

Renji tucked his legs underneath him on his bed, smiling uncontrolably while nodding to himself, swaying side to side; Zabimaru resting next to him

Did you enjoy our time
together yesterday?

Absolutely!!!

Loved it!! <3

hbu? you have fun?

I had lots of fun :)

would you maybe want
to hang out again tonight?

I'm aware it's a school night
but I would like to spend
more time with you
since you went home
earlier

An inkling of guilt tugged at the sixteen year old's heart, his smile was quickly replaced with a faint frown

yeah, sorry about
leaving

I just couldn't stay
if that's all Ganju
was gonna talk
about

What did you even tell
him anyways???

Byakuya gently gnawed on the inside of his cheek, knowing that he had lied bothered him enough, but the fact that he lied to one of his students bothered him even more. He should be an honest role model for his students, someone they looked up to and trusted, he had to come clean to someone about his guilt.

What did you even tell
him anyways???

I will admit that
I lied to him, I'm not
proud of it. I told him
that you and I met up
after your date an that you
ended up getting sick, is
that alright with you?

totally! you're a
life saver :)

man I'm like really bored

waaaanna spend the
rest of lunch together?

I wish that I could, I'll see
you after school Monkey
<3 <3 <3

With that final message Byakuya returned his phone to his pants pocket and pulled his dark gray bento box out from under his chair then removed the lid and looked at the food he had prepared that morning; leftovers from his date the night before.

A fond smile found it's way to his lips as he plucked a plastic spoon from the bottom compartment of the boxes lid then scooped up some of the rice then dipped it in the mixed vegetable soup just like his partner had.

Since the sub was alone he used that quiet time to think, think about what he had told his student. He pondered about what he had said, he and Renji had grown up together—he saw the rambuctious rebel as family.

That was sort of true, they did grow up together; they spent lots of time with each other since Renji was six. Byakuya started to remember what they were both like when they had first met—he certainly didn't like his now swain at first. He found the child to be annoying at best but, the more they had visited each other after Rukia had been thrown into the mix and the older they both had gotten the raven found himself getting attached to his monkey.

He continued to slowly eat his soup like his childhood friend had whilst he was deep in thought, as he remembered the very wrongful crush he had on his friend when they were younger. How he used to wish that the obnoxious child was the same age as him, that he really enjoyed sleeping in the same bed, that he loved when he was called Yaka; he remembered how he felt whenever Renji said I love you for the first time.

"But I love you Yaka," Byakuya looked down to wide and innocent brown eyes, he still gripped firey red locks as his breath got caught in his throat. He stared at his younger friend, their eyes locked on each other as they both sat there in uncomfortable silence that seemed to have them in a death grip.

The eldest Kuchiki sibling breathed in deeply and rested his hands on the only Abarai child, unknowingly be squeezed the elementary child's shoulders gently. "Monkey, you have to be careful with what you say, those are big kid words." he started to explain to the prepubescent male who just kept staring back at him, "I know you're just a kid and don't understand but you really have to be careful saying those things. Love is something you can't just say to someone, you have to mean it," he started to lower his volume since he wanted this to be a private conversation and was worried that he would be overheard by his little sister.

"But I really do love you Yaka, I like being with you! I like being with Rukia too!" the ginger innocently smiled and leaned back a little, "I really don't think you understand Monkey, when you love someone you want to be with them all the time, you want to kiss and hold them, like your parents! They love each other very much, that's the kind of love I'm talking about, you'll find someone that you love someday so you can't say stuff like that to just anyone," Byakuya tried to explain as calmly as he could, he really hoped that the child in front of him would understand.

He felt himself shaking a little as he could feel a panic attack rise to the surface, his crumbling heart started to beat quicker while he observed Renji's face—searching for a sign that he understood. Instead he saw his friend frowning, "I love you Yaka," Renji whined like a tired puppy and the raven haired teen shook his head while a shaky, tired sigh released itself. He thought that the other male still didn't understand him, he thought that his younger friend would never understand. "I love you too Monkey, lets just go to bed," he patted the child's shoulder gently then layed down, faced away from the ginger—something he never did—and screwed his eyes shut as tightly as he was able to. He felt embarressed and slightly humiliated, embarressed because he wished that Renji was older and that they could be together, humiliated because he liked his best friend, he felt guilty for wanting to be more than friends with someone so much younger than him. Guilty and humiliated that he said he loved the child back, guilty that he continued to let the ginger sleep with him.

Byakuya sat at his desk, bento box empty, his eyes watered from being open for so long. He looked up to see the classroom filled with students again. He cleared his throat and stood up as he picked up his bento box then gently bowed to the students before he left so their next teacher could step in for class.