un professore one shots // simuel

jacopo

Anger. Betrayal. Frustration. Rage. Complete.

That's how Simone was feeling. Manuel hadn't lied, he really did have a brother, but it wasn't cause of his father's cheating ass, but his real brother, his own blood. He watched the old tape on tv and cried, cried so much for all the times he had felt like he was missing a piece of him and couldn't explain it, and he couldn't even figure out how he could forget about him, but he guessed he was young and the trauma could've had its role too.
Jacopo looked exactly like him, he laughed a bit at the thought, of course he did. But they all looked so happy, his father looked the happiest he'd ever seen him. He looked careless and free, he didn't have that shrug he always had on his face, and he hated himself for hating him that much. For screaming at him, calling him names, for giving him more pain that the one he was going through already. He didn't know what it meant losing a child, and he didn't even wanna imagine it, and even if he wanted he couldn't.

He tried for long to squeeze his brain, try to remember but nothing would come to him, it was all blank. So he took his things and decided to go to the place the video was taken. Maybe being there, touching and feeling that place would help him.
And so he took his motorcycle and drove there, with tears still brimming his eyes.
Simone remembered nothing, and it was destroying him. He wanted to be able to see his face just once, to have at least one memory with him. One that he could keep forever. But he couldn't. And it made him feel useless, it made him hate himself, it should've been him, not Jacopo. Maybe his mom and his dad would be still together.

He then remembered he had the pills with him and took them in with the alcohol he had in his hand. He didn't even know what he was swallowing or what they could do to him but the pain was too much, it burned his heart, he wanted peace. Peace from his father, from school, from Manuel he just wanted to stop thinking. So he took them. He stayed in the grass for a while before slowly getting up. His vision crossed and he almost fell.
He somehow made it to the motorcycle, he started it and lost balance ending up with his ass on the ground, he cursed loudly and got back on this time with success.

Manuel, he needed Manuel. Maybe Manuel didn't want him but he needed Manuel next to him or he felt like he'd go insane. His brain was a mixture of thoughts that made absolutely no sense, everything was confused, messed up, he even had forgotten why he was in that situation in the first place, but he just kept driving. Till he got there, and completely lost balance.
He hit the trash cans and then the wall, falling off and crashing his head on the cement ground, creating a loud noise.
But he finally couldn't feel anything. His body seemed on pause. And he stayed like that for what it felt like hours for him when he heard his voice. Finally Manuel. He's here, in heaven with me, he thought.
"Simone?! Cazzo Simone, mum! Go call someone, mum quick please" Manuel screamed on top of his lungs, not touching him cause he was afraid he'd do something bad. Tears streaming down his face, his hands slowly caressing his hair in reassurance.
"Stay with me please, don't do anything stupid Simò, I can't lose you" Manuel kept crying.

Simone could barely hear him, his voice came off as a very very far away sound. And he wished he could talk in that moment, tell him everything was fine, that this was for the best but he couldn't.
Manuel held his hand through it all, when paramedics came and took him away, Anita insisted of going with him but Manuel was already inside with him.
"Stay with me please, I'm begging you stay with me" Simone slightly looked at him and he looked like he had been through hell and back. He wished he could hug him, bury his face in his neck and smell his scent, but again he couldn't. But he decided in that moment he had so many things to live for.
He had his father, no matter how mad they got at each other they were the only family they both had, his grandmother, that lived for him only, her only nephew. His classmates, he loved those people no matter what, they were family. Manuel. He loved Manuel. And even tho he'd probably never love him back, it was worth it. Jacopo. He had to live for him, he had to do all the things he couldn't do, he had to carry half of his soul for him. And for himself. He did it for himself too. Cause he deserved happiness, he deserved love, he deserved to wake up in the morning on summer days go outside and smile, be happy. He deserved all the good this world offered him, and he wanted to take it all. For both him, and Jacopo.