We Are Drowning, How Should We Kill Our Time?

42

 We are taught to live lives for selves but they are porous it doesn't make sense to hold something I cannot hold anything we have is not meant to be held it is meant to be shared always shared in this tapestry I feel so much pain in veins tangled with mine I will never breathe all the way in fully sleep at night while I stand on this thin floor like china teetering lives lived with so much inflated importance to make the ground feel thicker padding soles with arguments and defenses and so much rhetoric you do not need so many words when it's right you only need to feel not convince others how to feel I grew up thinking there were ways your life ought to be and the right way to live was to take and to know you deserved bigger houses better clothes anything you wanted to buy because you deserved it because you were self made if you worked hard enough (there is no such thing as self made everything you are down to your cells is borrowed and entangled and even if you make something of yourself some people need to make leaps where others need only make steps to the same pedestals the uneven starting terrain was carved before you there is no equal ground there is no equal ground when those standing taller dig trenches under others to keep it so telling them they need only climb better out of them) I was not self made I was born needing only to make a couple of steps into a spotlight that I don't even want anymore because it is a hypocritical one that eats me from the inside I will never feel tall until it is beside others not pushing them out of the way from my own light and all that striving to stay in it is so exhausting so exhausting happiness is only in setting your self aside stepping out of the future I saw closing in on me the more you own the more you're owned the more a name weighs the greater the stone you carry I never did a single great thing in my life apart from be born in the right place and time and body where my voice has weight I'm not sure what the worth of that weight is if I only use it to speak about myself I would rather chip pieces off and divide them anywhere I can there are so many things not being said