Rain (formally called wrong number x avengers)

sixty-six: how?

"Are you sure you want to be alone?" F/n asks

I nod and go to close the door but she holds the door open.

"Ok but if you need me, for anything. Just call me. I don't have a room on this floor anymore as Steve and I share a room now" I sigh 

"thank you F/n" I mutter shutting the door and heading straight to the bathroom. To wash my hands, at least get all of the blood off me..

I look up from the sink and look into the mirror, and gasp stumbling backwards

KILLER is written in blood above my head. Feeling guilty I try to rub of the word, when it doesn't come off. I punch the mirror.

now you may think 

why the hell would you do that, you would just break your fist and people will hear you.

But to be honest with you, I don't honesty care.

I don't feel anything, the glass shatters. And I now wash my hand again as it is bleeding. Looking back at the mirror again I don't see the word, or even a trace that the word was there in the first place.

"J, please don't notify anyone" I say knowing the AI was about to inform someone, whether it was Fury, Tony or  anyone else I don't care anymore.

moving away from the bathroom, not bothering to clean up the glass. I flop onto my bed and stare out the window, out at the city of New York.

"Jarvis was Coulson alive when I arrived at the scene?"

"Mr Coulson took his last breath when you saw him" I continue to stare out the window, tears clouding my vision

"so if I had shown up earlier he'd be alive" I say more of a statement than a question

"It would appear so, but Y/n you can't blame yourself" I roll on to my back and stare at the ceiling

"if I had just told them sooner his plans, maybe-"

"yes maybe he may be alive, maybe you could have saved him. But Ms holding yourself accountable is not healthy" Jarvis interrupts

"Jarvis if I don't focus on the feeling of guilt then I will become overwhelmed with everything else"

"Shall I contact F/n or Mr Stark for you to talk to" I flinch at the names

"no, I will just hurt them, like I do everybody else... besides I am talking to you"

"Ms, I am afraid I must object and contact-"

"Jarvis, how am I suppose to deal with.......this?" I ask unsure how to describe it

killing my brother by accident?

watching my father figure bleed out

actually they describe it pretty well.

"Well by research, it is common for people dealing with the passing of a loved one to talk to their family and friends about good memories and reminisce over the times they were alive" not replying he continues

"or they isolate themselves and don't talk to anyone. But the second option is the not preferred"

"Jarvis are they afraid of me?" I ask completely changing the subject.

"Ms I am don't think I fully understand your question" 

"does the team fear me, do they hate me?" I ask

"Ms I-"

"No Jarvis I can handle this one buddy" a voice says walking into the room. I groan and look at him, still not moving from laying on my back.

"Jarvis I said to not contact anyone" I grumble. Tony chuckles and walks over to me

"well he was worried about you" Tony says looking down at me, I stare at the ceiling past him.

"are you going to move over or continue to hog the bed like a starfish" he says. I don't say anything and just lay there. He sighs and lays down next to me, pushing me over slightly so he can fit.

"they don't hate you Y/n" he says, I hum in response

"as for afraid, I don't think they are afraid of you" I turn and give him a 'are you sure' face. He doesn't turn to me and continues

"I do think that what you did surprised them which may have scared them" he says softly trying not to offend me. turning his head to me he looks into my eyes.

"are you?" I ask he looks at me confused

"scared of me" I clarify he looks down at his hands, eyes widening as he notices my swollen hand. 

"Y/n!" he sits up and lifts my hand, inspecting it.

"its ok, it doesn't hurt" I say. Biting back the urge to cry and yell.

he is afraid of me. 

"SO? what did you do. Jesus I can't leave you for one second" he yells. I stare at my hand in his.

he sighs and places my hand back down, and stands walking toward my bathroom. I close my eyes, I should have cleaned up the blood, glass or just not done it at all.

"ARE YOU-" he yells walking back in stopping as he notices I am no longer laying on  the bed.

"Y/n?"

"out here" I call sitting out on my balcony. He slides the door open and walks out.

"listen I am not the best at well comforting people, but Y/n, its a two way street you can't expect me to help you by not reaching out" he says. I look up at him

"I know Tony"

"Yo- wait you agreed with me? You know I was prepared to like push this more but" he trails off as I hug him. He doesn't know how to react, but he quickly wraps his arms around me.

"Promise me something" he says breaking the peaceful silence

"no" 

"no? you didn't even hear what I was going to ask you to promise?" he tries to break the hug but I squeeze tighter preventing him.

"no, I won't, can't make anymore promises to people"

"ok ok, uh can you just agree to something then" I hesitate before nodding. He pulls apart and cups my face with his hands.

"ok can you agree to never leave me again, don't run off when some one calls, even if someone's life is at stake you stand right here, with me" he says. I smile softly.

"I can agree to that Tony" he smiles and leans forward pressing his forehead to mine.

"I love you Y/n"

"I love you too Tony" he smiles, and for a moment I feel as though everything is fine, everything is the way it should be.

but its not