𝙾𝚌𝚎𝚊𝚗 𝚘𝚏 𝙴𝚖𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜

𝙵𝚒𝚏𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚗

𝙵𝚛𝚒𝚍𝚊𝚢, 𝙰𝚙𝚛𝚒𝚕 𝟷𝟻𝚝𝚑

All the scientists and volunteers sit down for each meal beneath the communal gazebo. We sat at the extended picnic table. We've taken it in turns, a meal roster. I was partnered with Angelique for the week. Last night, we prepared burritos; chillied beans, seasoned rice, ground beef... There were two sizes of tortilla and I'd used the smallest. I'd tried not to overfill it. Skipped out on the guacamole and sour cream. They would have exceeded my calorie intake. Barry sat opposite me, Cooper's partner in the roster. He's a charismatic middle-aged biologist. Has lived a life where he never has to tell the same story twice. But he looks over at me, at my plate. "You eat a lot for someone so skinny."

You've been eating too much.

Your thighs are still too big.

You'll put the weight back on if you keep being a pig.

Maybe he read my face or telepathically my thoughts.

"I didn't mean it in a bad way..." he said.

I still didn't know what to say.

Maybe everyone has been too focussed on tasks to see that I only eat fruit for breakfast. A snack for lunch. And no snacks in between. Maybe Barry has said this because he sees me finish my plate —

No, you're fat after all.

If he thinks you've been eating a lot, you can eat less.

You're not going to reach your goal if you're not doing the most.

I realise I'm staring at Barry, or maybe the distance between us. I look down at my plate, at the crumbs I won't squash with my finger.

"How do you rate your week on Wattle?" Angelique asks, to me I realise.

I exhale, "It's been a learning experience for sure. Just seeing first hand what the little penguin population is experiencing... It's motivating career-wise but also, moving emotionally."

Lips together, Angelique widens them into the crevasses either side – providing an understanding smile. She looks at Cooper.

"I'll begin with a big thank you to you guys for taking us under your wing. You've guided us and thus, become mentors. Highlight was definitely the diving. I rate a ten out of ten."

"A nine out of ten," I say, "I remove a point for the distressing moments."

༄ ❀ ༄

With my biology book open next to my notes, I finish studying the chapter and my mind quickly drifts to dormitory life. Since being here, I've stayed in the adjacent housing where the students and scientists spend their time when not in the field. It's not hard to imagine life at university being here. Having my own dorm, my own space. In my suitcase, I brought with me my penguin plush and throw blanket because I'm a child. It's exciting to think about how I would decorate my space at university.

But will I get there?

Will my grades be good enough? Can I convince Mum that studying marine biology is a good idea? Because, if I can't, she's not going to pay for any kind of shelter in Perth. Residential college – forget it. Tarp and a cardboard box from the hardware store – forget it.

A knock sounds on my door.

"Come in," I say.

Cooper opens my door, dressed in tartan red pyjama pants and a grey T-shirt.