In My Head

Chapter 18 - Hirikka

"Thor, I know what I'm doing." I say as I match him step for step.

"You've been looking for him for years and now he's right here." Thor replies stopping in his tracks to turn to face me. "You wanted to talk to him. Go on,"

"I can't" I reply my eyes pleading with him to drop it. "I was so sure of what I wanted to say to him. What I wanted to ask him, but now... now I look at him and I don't know if I want to jump his bones or murder him."

"That's... that's in my head now." Thor replies as he grimaces.

"Come on, you know what I mean." I argue a chuckle leaving my lips.

"I know how you feel." Thor replies his eyes moving to look at Yennefer.

"She seems nice." I say softly a smirk filling my lips.

"Stop it." Thor chastises making me giggle.

"You're all for me talking to Geralt when you have yet to go over and talk to her. I know you want to."

"She's angry with me," Thor says as he steals a glance at her. "I don't know how to even go about talking to her."

"See, we're in the same boat."

"Yes, but you have a paddle." Thor replies motioning toward Jaskier.

"Jaskier is not a paddle."

"Metaphor, (name)."

"I know what you meant."

"Talking to women used to be easy for me." Thor starts as he grips tight to storm breaker. "But after everything, I can't bring myself to take those last few steps to her."

"Then you don't deserver her." I announce and his eyes narrow. "Just as I probably don't deserve Geralt." His eyes shoot to mine, and I feel my heart clench. "What are we doing Thor? We're adults but we are acting like children. Love... love is stupid." Tears sting my eyes as I continue. "Love made me break a good man's heart. Love made me come here to this world in search of someone who clearly didn't want me to be here to begin with. He whispered words of love and caring, and I ate it up like some love-devoid idiot. The only good thing that came from me being here was Cirilla."

Thor meets my gaze, and his eyes soften. He reaches out and wrapping his arms around me holds me close.

"What am I still doing here Thor? What in the world do I want him to say to me?"

"I don't know," Thor replies gently rubbing circles on my back. "And you won't know until you talk to him."

"I will if you will." I add pulling away from him. "Don't leave her wondering Thor, give her the answers I may not get from him." I give him a little shove in her direction, and he reluctantly lets me go. "Go on, I'll be fine."

With a quick nod I watch as he goes off after her. A sad smile fills my face as I try my best to hope for a good outcome for him and her. Clearing my throat, I wipe my face and try to compose myself as I look around. I see Geralt looking at me and I narrow my eyes. A feeling of him being able to see right through me starts to set in and I look away.

I came here to talk to him, and I would. Just not right now.

~~~~~~

"You worry that if you blink, you'll never see her again." Borch says as he catches up to Geralt as they walk along the path. "You're in love with her."

"Or... the danger here isn't the dragon."

"That's why I brought you along, Geralt of Rivia. Nothing scares you." Borch adds looking forward where (Name) walked beside her brother.