Never Our Fault

051

CASHMERE MADISON VERSIGLIA.

The smell of books enveloped my sense of smell. I got slight shivers from my spine due to the coldness coming from the air conditioner that's—yet again, put there to torment my hours of studying here in the library. Hindi ko maintindihan si Graham bakit dito niya lagi kami ipinupuwesto sa tuwing mag-aaral kami. Maybe he likes his surroundings cold. He prefers cold things over hot ones. Maybe this helps him think.

I don't know. . .

But I'm shivering. So much. Ang lakas talaga ng aircon. I can't lower it down kasi there's that masungit librarian—that just seems to be angry at the world—on guard of what's happening within her area. At malapit lang kami sa kan'ya! Bagaman lamig na lamig na talaga ako at gusto kong hinaan ang aircon. . . ayaw ko because she might catch me on the act and I might get scolded.

Ayaw ko 'yun.

Baka naman maabala ko pa si Graham kapag pinagalitan nga ako. I'll bury myself gladly six feet beneath the ground if that happens.

"Brrr. . . mommy, ang lamig talaga. . ." I made shivering sounds. I clenched my teeth and licked my lips and hugged myself from the cold. I put down my pen for a bit and stopped answering the worksheets—because I think my mind stopped functioning minutes prior—that he gave me as I glanced at the picture of him: sound asleep like a baby.

Ang sarap nakawin ng hoodie niya, kaso baka magalit o mainis siya. Or baka kapag kinuha ko, lamigin din siya. I was almost mentally torturing myself due to the chilly air brought to me by the air conditioner.

My freezing fingers found themselves busy tousling Graham's jetblack hair. I distracted myself from the cold I felt by doing just that. Then, I found myself scanning his gentle, sleeping face; his eyes closed shut, eyebrows almost meeting each other as they were furrowed and his cherry-kissed lips still in a grim line—na para bang hanggang sa pagtulog ay may sinusungitan pa rin.

He's frowning in his sleep.

"May kaaway ka po yata sa panaginip," I humored myself. I was already smiling at the peaceful view that I got. "Sana po happy 'yung dream mo, Gray. . .ham."

Funny how I still couldn't call him by his nickname when I could easily type it down when I'm sending him messages online. Kinakabahan nga ako tuwing magse-send ako ng chat sa kan'ya. Rinig na rinig ang tibok ng puso ko sa tenga ko. Parang sumasagot ako sa recit ta's wala akong stock knowledge sa lesson. Gano'n ang feeling.

And it was weird for me because I've never felt it before. Ni-label ko lang 'yung weirdness na nararamdaman ko as crush kasi I overheard someone's conversation (or pep talk, I liked listening to it though when they caught me listening, they called me chismosa pa) about romantic feelings and crushes.

So ganito pala magka-crush? Baka tanungin ko na lang si mommy mamaya. Hindi ko talaga sigurado anong dapat kong maramdaman ko, e. Baka genuine care ko lang pala for him tapos nile-label ko ng crush?

I don't want to mistake this for something else.

Anyway, I was busy tracing my fingers against his thick, still furrowed eyebrows when suddenly—holy mother of cupcakes! I flinched when he suddenly grabbed my wrist, stopping my finger from disturbing him from his slumber.

His enticing, orb-like eyes bore on me like it was drilling into my fearful soul. He raised his head as he leveled my eyesight with his. Graham looked like he was observing me; his palm on my freezing hand.

"It's cold," he firstly said after staring at me.

"P-Po?"

"I said, it's cold," he repeated what he said.