Lost Souls In School

Part - 12

Did I mention the fact that I am feeling extremely giddy as soon as I wake up today. Well, apparently yes. I feel really light and had no nightmares while sleeping. Actually, I was having nightmares since that night. I was in a constant terror and kept fearing my parents would throw me out. Even though my rational mind knew it and I felt it in my bones that they do love me but my nightmares had created an irrational fear in me.

So, I am so glad for the dreamless sleep I got last night. I am happy about the fact too that I'm going to tell Xander today how I feel. Of course I'm nervous as I don't know how to approach him and initiate this talk but pushing these thoughts away for a while and clear my head after noticing its time to get up already otherwise I would be late and mom will come barging into my room.

I get up and do my usual routine and take some proper time to get ready focusing more on my appearance today but make it subtle so as to not alert my mom and dad. I don't apply any make up or anything as anyways we are not allowed to do it in school and I don't like it either, basically just a bit of change from my normal ponytail hairstyle.

Looking up to mirror I see that I look kind of glowing and radiant. It looks as if I'm bubbling with energy, which is true. After satisfied with the look, I reach school 15 minutes later.

Standing before the class door, I gulp down my nervousness and get seated in my place.

Time passes by in a blur today as we have a lot to do which I am thankful for, as it gives me less time to ponder over my thoughts.

After first 3 lectures are over, we have a free period where we have to work in the class only, the subject can be of our choice. Opening my maths book, I start working on my homework of tuition classes.

2 minutes later, someone taps on my shoulder. I look behind to see it is Xander sitting. I think he must have swap places for the lectures to sit beside Ian but a small part of me wishes he would have sat here for me as he is exactly behind me.

'Yes?' I ask after noticing Ian is not here. I then realize Ian has a small chore assigned to him by our class teacher.

'Can I ask a question?' He says after a pause. I give him a small nod before which I make sure no one's looking our way.

'Do you really not have feelings for me?' He asks abruptly and bluntly.

I don't know why but kind of feeling overwhelmed I shake my head before speaking timidly, 'Yes, I really don't have any f- feelings for you.' Internally cursing myself for the stuttering as I felt he must be aware I am lying because of it. But who am I kidding I don't know how to pretend anyways, I can't even fool a kid with my acting skills which proves it is non-existent.

'I don't believe you. I mean your lips are saying one thing and your eyes are saying another. But why did your eyes wander to me whenever you look up, don't think I didn't notice it. Why did you look for me as soon as you entered the class today? I just want to know the truth even if you don't want to be in any sort of relationship with me is fine by me but don't lie. You know what, swear on your mother that you don't like me more than a friend. That's it. Nothing else and I'll believe you.' He speaks all this in one breathe. I know I must be looking like an idiot with my doe eyes wide open as I assess his words over and over in my mind. But don't have any courage to speak up right now.

I just keep my mouth shut knowing if I open it, I'll start rambling but I need to speak right now as its now or never.

'You're not wrong but I am afraid about the what-ifs. What if this all goes wrong? What then? All the friends in boys I have is due to the sole reason that you consider me as your friend and more. I don't want to have everything in one moment and then lose everything in the next. I don't think I will be able to handle all of the after effects. But I do have feelings okay?' I speak the last sentence after a pause.

'Hey, like I said I am totally fine if you don't want to be in any relationship with me right away. Of course I understand all of this and your point of view. I just wanted to know we were on the same page and I am not just assuming things.' He says all this without missing a heartbeat.

I listen everything and when he is done, I take a huge breathe and convince myself to overcome the fear even though something tells me this might be wrong idea, I brush the feeling away thinking it must be my nerves. Picking all my courage, I look up to him and say, 'Yes.' A bit more timidly than I would like but well who cares...

He looks like he was going to say something else but stops when he hears me.

'What? Come again.' He says with a big broad smile even though he has heard me and I know he knows in what sense did I say 'yes'.

'I'm saying YES for our relationship.' I say with equal enthusiasm this time as I watch him almost jump out of his place because of which I quiet him down and tell him that I'm not yet ready for everyone to know about us yet, not even Amelia.

'Please, let me just tell Ian and no one else. I promise nobody will find out. I'll make sure Ian doesn't tell anyone about this.' He says and I can't say no to him as I can see so much bubbling excitement in him so I just nod to him and like any cliché movie Ian enters the exact moment in the class making Xander almost jump out of his seat, as Ian is sitting in his place. I hear Xander telling him just the part where I accepted his proposal which I'm glad as I don't want anyone to know any of my fears.

Anyways coming back to the point, I feel like I am going to burst in flames with the amount of shyness I am experiencing right now as I know the heat must be rising up till my face now but thank goodness for my tan skinned tone, nobody can know if not looking closely.

I just keep on doing my work till the end of the lecture as I don't think I have it in me to listen to their conversation about me the whole time. As soon as the bell rings, indicating its break I just get up as fast as I can taking my lunch box with me.

While leaving the classroom, I think I'll just wait for Amelia in the passage itself but Jane calls out to me telling to wait as she needs to talk to me. I understand her signal of wanting me to wait outside.

Jane comes out of the class just a few moments or more like storms out as if she is really angry about something.

So, I ask, "Hey, what's wrong? And what is it that you wanted to talk about?"

"You!" She points at me and continues but now in a much lower so I have to lean a bit after moving closer.

"You did not tell me first before you accepted Xander's proposal and also did not tell if or not you have feelings for him." I just can look at her totally flabbergasted.

"I....." Before I can speak anything else she interrupts me and says, "And no, Alex did not tell me I just saw the way he and Ian talked plus your reaction right now gave you away."

"Oh! I don't know what to say, also this all happened so fast, I don't even have had time to tell Amelia anything before accepting. I think its best if no one knows anything right now. So, please Jane don't tell anyone. Its all so very new with the added fact that this is also embarrassing as everyone has just quietened down with the teasing." I say, to which Jane just nods along but this gives me a strong feeling that Jane and I are going to be great friends in near future.

We just hug it out and as usual wait for our friends in usual spots.

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Hello readers,

Not to raise the curiosity much higher but what do you think now will happen with Violet? Ok let me tell you all one thing,  that is now will be the most interesting and heartbreaking thing happening with Violet.

Also, I'm really sorry for the really late update but I finally got into my dream college but have so much to do as the semester started late due to the pandemic. Will try to increase the frequency but no promises. 

Yet, will let you know the next chapter will be the longest and the most important part.

"@MaitriPatel048   is in my real life Jane as Jane is part her. This is dedicated to her. "