Permission to Love

Chapter Twelve

Kathryn finishes tucking Jaelyn beneath the covers of her small single bed and plants a small kiss just above her eyebrow. "I love you, Jae." She whispers the four small words into the dark room, lit by a child's night light in the far left corner.

"Good night, mommy." The three year old whispers as her eyes begin fluttering shut. "Good night, daddy." She mutters out those words softly just before sleep finally takes over and her chest begins moving up and down at a steady rate. Kathryn walks back to the door where Alexander is propped up and turns back around to stare into her daughter's room.

"It's crazy to think how fast time flies." Alexander blurts out softly while starring into the room that holds only the sound of a small clock ticking quietly in the background. "It feels like it was just yesterday that you, me and Maddy were figuring out the best way to handle the news that you were pregnant." Alexander smiles briefly at the distant memory and glances over at Kathryn whose eyes are still glued to Jaelyn. She remains silent a moment before finally spitting out the words that have been eating at her all day.

"Sometimes I wonder if we made the right decision."

Alexander freezes a moment before turning to her and placing a hand on the upper part of her arm to grab her attention. "Hey, what are you thinking?" He asks kindly, while trying once again to break down the wall that has been around her eyes and heart for the last three years. Jaelyn is the only one who ever broke through and Alexander knows it is because every time Kathryn looks into those brown eyes, she sees him - she sees Jamie.

"I just wish she could know Jamie. I wish she knew the truth. The last thing I want is to feed her lies about who she is and where she comes from just because it doesn't meet society's standards." She continues starring up at Alexander a moment before turning back to Jaelyn who is sleeping peacefully. "I never want her to think that I was ashamed of who she is."

"That door has always been open for you to tell her, Kathryn. You know I would never deprive Jaelyn of knowing who her father really is." His words come from a place of complete sincerity and Kathryn can feel it before even looking into his eyes. "It's always been up to you and if you think she's ready to know the truth then that's exactly what we are going to do; tell her the truth."

Kathryn stares back at Alexander with nothing but respect and appreciation but she knows the secret has to stay between the three of them, at least for a few more years. "I was just thinking out loud." He barely catches her smile before she turns back to Jaelyn with her arms crossed over her chest. "Jaelyn needs to be old enough to carry a secret like this and understand the consequences of what she has the power to change before we tell her. I know we can't tell her yet." Kathryn whispers before turning to walk down the hall. "I've just been thinking about him a lot today." 

"Kathryn?" Alexander calls out before she can disappear into her separate bedroom for the night. He steps closer to her with a small, timid smile. Kathryn always makes him so nervous, even if she is just standing in the doorway with an expression so innocent it is childlike. He can feel his heart rate increasing as he steps closer to her and stumbles over his words. "I just...I wanted to say that you looked really beautiful tonight."

The corner of Kathryn's mouth twitches up ever so slightly as if she was about to smile but before he can see, she quickly steps into her room and closes the door behind her. Alexander closes his eyes in regret and sighs softly before walking to his bedroom on the opposite end of the hall, unaware that Kathryn was standing with her back to the door. She finds herself hiding brightly flushed cheeks she doesn't dare reveal, for fear it may give the promise of hope when all she has to give is a broken and hopeless heart.