Permission to Love

Chapter Fifteen

“Ding, ding, ding!”

The buzzer at the top of the rock wall rang out through the empty building as Kathryn gloats in her victory. “What else would you like me to kick your butt in tonight, Mr. Weston?” She mocks playfully while repelling like a pro back down to solid ground.

“You know tonight was supposed to be about letting you have some fun, not giving you the opportunity to kick my ass.” He replies with a defeated smirk just as he lands back on solid ground. He quickly unlatches the buckles on his safety gear before making his way over to help Kathryn.

“Who says kicking your ass isn’t fun?” She comments with a playful smirk. He unlatches one of the buckles over her shoulder while Kathryn struggles with the one across her waist. “Strudel!” She gives up and crosses her arms in defeat while Alexander stares back at her with a crooked grin in amusement.

“You do know Jaelyn’s not around, you are allowed to cuss, mommy.” He labels sarcastically while Kathryn snickers.

“I know but I’ve trained myself to lay off the cuss words around Jae so making an exemption today could mean slipping one day when she is around. It’s best to just stick with strudel.” She replies confidently while Alexander continues smiling back at her in silence.

She laughs and shakes the buckle still strapped around her waist. “Um, are you going to help or do I have to eat dinner strapped to this thing?”

He quickly shakes his head and steps forward, trying to erase the constant push and pull inside his head. “You beat me at everything today and yet you can’t figure out a clasp.” He jokes and Kathryn gives him a playful shove in the shoulder. He wonders if he has just missed his opportunity. She was physically strapped in with nowhere to run but thinking she would literally run from him was making Alexander all the more nervous. Would she run? He prays to God she wouldn’t run. He could take her anger, he could ease her sorrows and he could even dish back her competitive spirit but how would he ever be able to chase her if the last thing she wants is to be caught? He is planning on doing it some time tonight, after all this time, he felt he has no choice. She is holding onto the past while he is holding nothing but hope for the future…their future.

“Dinner is served!” Alexander announces before pulling back the white cloth covering two rather large plates on the small table centered in the middle of the amusement building.

Kathryn’s mouth practically begins watering at the sight of a large steak, baked potato and picture perfect side salad. She finally breaks her trance from the food and smiles across the table at Alexander. “Okay, this is definitely not something I would have eaten when I was six.” She laughs softly while placing a napkin along her lap.

“I figured you already eat enough pizza and hot dogs with Jaelyn so tonight we play like kids but we eat like adults.”

“Sounds good to me.” Kathryn smiles and picks up her fork about the same time her stomach begins to growl. “And my stomach, apparently.”

Alexander laughs softly and lets Kathryn begin eating first before picking up his fork and joining her. He can’t help stealing glances at her every now and then. As cheesy as it may be, his only thought is how beautiful she looks even when she is scarfing down a ten ounce steak. He chuckles softly at his thought which, of course, causes Kathryn’s self-conscious side to make it’s first appearance of the night. She quickly lifts a napkin to her mouth and blushes in embarrassment.

“Do I have salad in my teeth or something?”

Alexander smiles that crooked grin and shakes his head, causing a peace to settle over Kathryn as she lowers the napkin. “No, there’s nothing in your teeth. You’re perfect.”

She smiles and this time, Alexander knows exactly what smile it is. He sets his silverware down on either side of his plate and takes Kathryn’s hand in concern. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“How do you do that?” She asks in amazement.

“Do what?”

“How do you see right through me?”

He stares at her a moment before answering honestly. “I don’t see through you, I just see you. Anyone who took the time could see what I do.”

“But why do you take the time?” She asks and Alexander can feel her becoming frustrated and he isn’t quite sure why.

“Because I care.”

“Why do you care, Xander?” This time she pulls her hand from his reach and places it against her forehead instead. “Your whole life has been put on pause for the last three years because of me!”

“Kathryn, what are you talking about?” He questions, his concern getting the better of him.

“Jaelyn is my daughter and yet you treat her as your own. You treat me with respect and let everyone go on believing that this marriage and our life together is real.” She shakes her head with a sad chuckle. “Sometimes I can’t help but feel like you’re just too kind and I’m taking advantage of a saint.”

“Believe me, I’m far from sainthood.” He sighs and forces a small smile, unsettled by where the conversation is headed.

Kathryn smiles and reaches across the table to take his hand this time and, almost instantly, his chest feels as if it’s gasping for air somehow.  “Xander, you are an amazing man and I know I don’t say it enough but thank you for everything you’ve done for me and Jaelyn. We will never be able to repay you.”

He glances down at their hands a moment and he suddenly can’t remember a time when Kathryn has ever taken his hand. He is always the one to reach out to her and the only difference is, he did it out of nothing but pure, genuine, unconditional love. He felt his expression sadden at the thought that the only reason she reached out to him was to thank him for being such a good friend. He tries to push the negative thoughts to the back of mind and remember that today is Kathryn’s birthday. She deserves to receive everything she needs and today, in this moment, she needs a friend. No matter what he wants to say, Alexander knows today isn’t about what he needs or wants, no matter how much it hurt to stay silent. He places his other hand over hers and smiles back despite the heartache eating him up inside. “You and Jaelyn are my life, Kat. It’s not a chore to take care of you and I would choose this life any day of the week.”

Kathryn smiles back at him and, in that moment, Alexander swears he sees a weight lift from her shoulders as she leans across the table and lays an innocent kiss on his left cheek. “This has been the best birthday.” She says once settled back in her seat and leans back to indicate that she can’t possibly eat one more bite.

Alexander tries to forget the words said and focuses on the remainder of the evening. He stands from his seat and holds his hand out for Kathryn with a small smile. “And it’s hardly even begun.”

She happily takes his hand and allows him to lead her out of the amusement building. One last glance back into the now dark room and Kathryn has this strange sense of finality. She feels as though tonight is her last day pretending. After today she will be forced to come to her own decisions and stop allowing others to control her every thought and action. She doesn’t know how but she knows everything is about to change, for better or for worse.