Peter Parker x Reader

breaking my heart

Peter stood on the steps of your front door, not fully remembering how he'd gotten there. The rain was falling hard around him, Peter himself soaked wet through, the sound of it bouncing on the street was the only thing that could be heard in the silence of the early morning hours, the sky still dark, clouds too thick to see any stars through it.
He had yet to knock, scared to not receive an answer, scared for you to answer only to slam the door in his face. He was just...scared. His eyes were watery but the rain hid it well. He stood there thinking back to your last conversation with him.
How many times had he been here after a fight with you, how many times had he stood here with his best apology. This time though something felt different, it felt like you had made your mind up and fully planned to make good on your promise to not see him again, to not have the same damn argument every few weeks.
It was getting harder and harder to lie to you, every excuse that came out of Peter's mouth sounded like the lie it was, no matter how hard he tried to make his excuses seem true you always saw through them.
Peter hated lying to you, it felt like every time he spoke to you he was lying about something, lying about where he was, why he was late, why he failed to show up at all, why he was so tired, why his back hurt so much.
Everything was a lie.
One thing that wasn't a lie though were his feelings for you. Peter loved you so much but at some point that wasn't enough, love wasn't enough when there wasn't trust and as much as you hated it you didn't, you couldn't trust Peter.
The constant lies, the skipping out on dates, the guilty look he got in his eyes every time he spoke to you.
It always led back to the same argument of you begging him to tell you what he was hiding and Peter insisting there were no secrets.
You had rolled your eyes every time but let yourself accept his many, many apologies. You loved him too, you had for so long that you didn't want this to fail, for so long you had refused to let this relationship end but now you just felt tired. You couldn't continue on with this, not with the constant lies, the constant lingering fear that Peter had found somebody else, somebody better, smarter, prettier...you couldn't do it anymore.
That had all led to Peter standing here now, angry words thrown in pent up frustration floating through his head.
"Peter, I swear to- I cannot do this anymore!" You yelled, tears in your eyes and voice slightly hoarse.
"I'm telling you you've got this wrong!" He shot back at you, watching as your nose flared and you let out a bitter laugh.
"This is the last time you tell me I've got it wrong!" You told him through gritted teeth. How many times had he told you that you were wrong? That you weren't seeing things from his perspective despite him refusing to give you an honest answer.
"How can you think there's anybody else?" He shouted, hating that you could ever think he was capable of cheating on you. You were the only girl in the world for him, nobody else could ever compare to you.
"How could I not think there was anybody else!? You ghost me, if I'm lucky you call to cancel a date but usually I'm left alone because you couldn't be bothered to even shoot me a text! Do you have any idea how humiliating it is when people look at you when you've been stood up?" You ask, not giving him time to answer as you say, "No you don't because I have never and would never do that to you! You sneak around constantly, every other word out of your mouth is a damn lie and it's not fair!"
Peter was speechless for a few moments. How could he respond to that? Everything you had said was right and he hated it, he hated that doing the right thing was coming between the two of you but there was no way he was telling you about Spiderman. It wasn't a matter of trust, he knew no matter what happened between the two of you that you'd never betray his trust in you, no it had everything to do with the enemies Spiderman made; enemies that would not hesitate to use you against him and he refused to put you in that position.
"It's you Y/N," He swore, eyes wide as he reached for, hating that you pulled away, "It's been you all along."
"Then why doesn't it feel like that, Peter? Every time I let you in my door it feels like you make it your mission to see how long it'll take to break me and I can't do it anymore." You said, tears finally making their way down your faces but you paid them no mind.
Peter hated that he made you feel this way, hated that he could see you breaking in front of him and there was nothing he could do.
He didn't get the chance to reply as you spoke, the fight leaving you and your voice soft.
"This is the last time, Peter, it's the last time I'm asking you why? Why do you keep lying to me? Why won't you just tell me what you're hiding? Why do you keep breaking my heart over and over?" You asked him, voice breaking as more tears fell down your face.
And Peter didn't have an answer to that. The silence stretched before you shook your head, biting back a sob as you opened your bedroom door and gestured for him to leave.
You were done, he knew you were done.
You watched as he left, head low as he brushed past you and down the stairs. Moments later you heard the door close and finally allowed yourself to sob, loud, heartbreaking sobs, thankful that you were home alone for the night.
Peter couldn't stop his own tears from falling as he recalled yours. He shook his head whilst cursing himself, why didn't he say something, anything. Anything would have been better than just walking away from you.
Things weren't always bad, Peter couldn't help but laugh sadly as he recalled the good times between the two of you, the times when he actually showed up and didn't let you down. The times were he took you to the movies and the two of you got thrown out because you kept making stupid remarks to the characters on screen, he remember the time the two of you went pumpkin picking and the two of you tended to your wounds after a incident in which he was pushing you around in a wheelbarrow and it hit a stone causing you to topple out of it and Peter to go flying over it. He remembered sneaking out with you to have breakfast at midnight in the 24/7 diner not too far from your house. He remembered all the good moments you had, remembered when he spluttered his way through a love confession and remembered all the nights he spent with you in his arms, laughing, smiling, sleeping.
He remembered it all and to think he would never get to hold you again, never get to kiss you again, never have you again...it cut deep in his heart. He knew he couldn't give up Spiderman, it was too important, but he hated that it had cost him you.
You who had been there for him through so much more than you actually knew. You who held him when he failed to save somebody, Peter would come to you teary eyed and you didn't force him to talk, you just held him in your arms, playing with his hair until he fell asleep in the comfort of your hold.
He sobbed as he realised he'd never have that again.
Peter looked at your front door, knowing right now you were probably in your room, all alone, feeling just as bad as he was. You probably felt worse, Peter thought after a moment, at least Peter knew why he was so secretive but you knew nothing, you thought there was another girl involved, you didn't know Peter was protecting both you and the city.
Watching as you broke in front of him last night killed Peter, he never realised just how bad it was until last night and with one final look at your door he shook his head and turned on his heel making his way back home. You were right he was breaking your heart, he couldn't keep dragging you along like this, letting you torture yourself over what Peter's secret was.
Though it broke Peter's heart, he walked away from you that night knowing that if he didn't he would just keep hurting you until you grew to hate him and he couldn't do that to you, not anymore.
By the time he arrived back home, soaked to the bone and alone in bed, he couldn't stop the tears that fell, mourning all the time he had lost with you because of himself. Spiderman was supposed to be good but right now he hated everything about his other half.
Back in your own house you mirrored Peter, alone in bed with tears falling down your face as memories of the two of you together invaded your thoughts. You loved Peter Parker, you really did, but that really was the last time you would ask him why he broke your heart in the blink of an eye.