rant.

random rant

hey guys,

so im kind of in the mood to rant and i can't think of anything to rant about so im going to spill everything bc i am very conflicted rn,

so lately i've kinda found myself really hating everything about school and just wanting to get away from it all. that's kind of like everyone else, i guess. but less thana year ago i adored school and idk i guess i'm realizing how much i've changed.

you see, when i was younger i told myself i'd never wear makeup, yet now i spend most morning applying my liquid eyeliner and mascara. i used to get all my homework done as soon as and now i find myself leaving it to the last minute.

i mean obviously that's okay. there's nothing wrong with makeup, or procrastinating but it's just crazy how i've changed. how i adored school and now find it a prison, how i loathed the idea of makeup and now i wear it everyday.

i guess with makup i just didn't want to become a stereotypical girl who adores makeup and fashion and even though i wouldn't call myself a typical expeted girl, i just don't want to be one at all.

and with school, the more i think about it, i am literally a different person now.

last year i was a complete goody two shoes - i did homework whenever i got it, i never disobeyed the teachers, all that. and now, i don't care about anything. i just find myself whispering back to the teachers, which yeah is pretty lame, buit i guess i never used to do that.

i've been told i'm turning into a rebel and apparently i'm popular, which are two things i would have hated to turn into. but now, i guess i kinda like it.

i don't want to be the nerd that gets everything right. if you do, that's okay and i completely respect you. but my whole life has been of me doing everything right, and no, i don't want to be in detention every week or be on report or in isolation, i guess i just want a reputation that isn't of a goody two shoes.

you see, with school now, i always find myself feeling like everyone else is capable of one thing more than me. they answered one more question correctly on that science test, they threw the shotput 0.10m ahead of me.

but now, i guess i'm starting to realize that not everything in my life or anyone's life is about results. i mean yes, to a certain standard results are necessary. socially, you need to have a C GCSE grade to be considered smart.

and yes, i do thing i am capable of that. but now, i am genuinely startingto realise that results will get me so far. the rest of it is about personality. in a relationship, i want someone who's interested in me, not my results. in a job interview, they want to find out why i'd be a good employee.

i guess what i'm trying to say is don't spend a long time thinking that results are everything, because they aren't. don't struggle with feeling forever inferior to people who may do better than you.

focus on yourself and you'll be okay.

lol that was lame as