Your dearest, Sodapop.

Chapter 2 - empty

It's been 5 months since Sodapop has been drafted. We write to eachother every chance we can. I miss him dearly. I've locked my self in my bedroom basically this whole time. I'll get food when I'm hungry and shower every other day. I don't feel anything. Nothing good. Nothing happy. Only empty. That's all I feel. Empty.

I got a knock on the door. My heart was beating. It was the mailman. He had a letter. From Sodapop. Whenever he sent me letters I had more hope that he will make it. I open it..

Dear y/n,

I'm so sorry i haven't wrote to you in a while. Things have been tough. It's hard being out here. Without you. I miss you so much. More then you could imagine. I hope you're doing well and keeping healthy. I promise you I'll be home. I just don't know when. I love you so much. I miss you all. I cant wait for the day I come home and surprise you with a big hug. Besides all the bad stuff going on, War has made me realize so many amazing things in life. Like about how much you care about someone. Some people don't know how much they cared about someone until they lost them. That's what I feel like. I feel like I lost you. I feel like I lost myself. But don't worry about me. Please write me back. All the guys here think I'm crazy, I talk about you every night. They are so sick of me haha! Please check up on Darry and Ponyboy. They've told me you haven't visited them since forever. I love you with my hole heart.

Your love, Sodapop ♡︎

I smiled. I felt happy whenever he sent me long letters. I immediately got a pen and paper and stood there. I didn't know what to write. Should I tell him how I've felt horrible and sick? Or should I tell him that I missed him and couldn't wait for him to come home? I waited for a few minutes.
I'm going to tell him everything.

Dear Sodapop,

Hi, I miss you so very much. I honestly have no idea what to say. So I'm going to be as honest as I can. I've felt so lonely these past few months, everyday I feel like you're getting farther and farther away from me. I miss you touch, your hands, i miss you. I need you so much right now. But as soon as I need you the most, I can't have you. I'm sorry for staying home. I don't think I could handle going to your house. But I will. I will for you. Soda i would do anything for you. I hope everything is going ok. Please be careful. I couldn't bare to lose you. I am so proud of you for making it this far, you're so strong. Starting today I'll make small changes. I'll go see your brothers. I'll do it for you. I love you more then anything sodapop. Be safe and make lots of friends.

-y/n

Jesus. That's going to be hard. Seeing brothers every other day. But I'll do it. I cant tell him I'm going to do something then just give up before I even go. I miss him so much. More then anything in the world.
I fold it up and ship it off. I get dressed and start walking. The fresh air. Oh my goodness i didn't know how much I've missed it. The grass, the flowers slowing dying as winter approaches. It's beautiful because they will die and come back. It's a cycle. It was 7:30am I've never woken up this early. Maybe I'll get pony to watch the sunset with me. Before I know it, I'm at their house. I feel safe but I also feel like something is crawling under my skin and biting me. It hated this feeling. I started to shake and not because it was cold. I breathed in and walked through the door. Darry was sitting in his chair. He looked up at me and had a big smile on his face. He threw the newspaper down and gave me a big bear hug. I felt safe. I felt like i was home. But something from this home was missing. Sodapop.
"Y/n! You're here. You're here. I've missed you. We all have. How are you? Are you okay?"
I stayed quiet for a moment. I wasn't ready to cry. I wanted to stay in his grip. I sat-on the couch. Trying to keep my breathing steady.
"I'm.. everything has been horrible, Darry. I miss him. More then I could even imagine." I said. My breathing was quickening and my voice was shaky.
He gave me a smile telling me everything would be alright. But for some reason. I felt like it wouldn't be.

Ponyboy walked down the stairs. I rushed and gave him the biggest hug. Me and pony were pretty close. He looked rough. But better then me, cause he had Darry. He hugged me back after realizing what was happening. It was 8am and I led him outside to the lot. We sat there, watching the sunrise. It was beautiful. It made me feel.. life? But not good life. Life would never be good with Soda not here. Pony smiled at me,
"Thank you for bringing me out here. I haven't seen the sunrise in forever."
He looked genuinely happy. And that made me smile. After a bit we walked back to the house. Darry had a letter in his hand. I thought it was a letter from Soda but it was a letter from the military.