online love (billie eilish)

baby came home 2

inspo: baby came home 2/valentines, the neighbourhood

~

She was five foot four with some money on the floor and a box that's hidden under her bed...

Freya's POV:

As the imaginary clock in my head ticks twice as fast as reality, I grow tired of watching the door. It's the most pathetic thing, but I had this idea that after I cut she would sense it, and finally come home, wrap me up and make it alright.

I sent her one text. I repeat the message but change the punctuation, from an exclamation point to a question mark.

Now I'm out the door and down the street, trying to think of where she'd go. I think back to a dated conversation.

!?

"How was your day, baby," Billie pauses before calling me that name, like she's unsure. I sit on the couch, looking down at the floor. She was out at meetings all day, and I've just been here. And just a question shouldn't piss me off, but it does. I don't want to snap so I stay quiet.

"Was good," I couldn't sound more unconvincing if I tried. She sits next to me, puts her hand on top of mine. I don't move.

"Wanna tell me about i–"

"How was yours!" I avert the attention away from myself.

"I don't know, meetings were pretty boring and shit. But after, I don't know, I found this little diner and I just sat there writing and working on stuff. Actually, I think it could be the song that was missing!"

"Don't you have a few songs missing?" I bite my lip. It wasn't intended to be mean, but with my lack of apathy, it sounded cold hearted. She pauses, her face falling, until she contorts her lips into a smile and nods.

"It just feels so, real, like I just realized as I was there that I could say whatever I wanted. I could be as honest as I want, and I just like, realized so much about myself. I think I'm gonna call it getting older!" she smiles, waiting for my reaction.

"Cool."

Tears burn in my eyes. I want to be more excited and happy and everything she deserves but I can barely get off the couch and I just wish, it's bad, but I just wish she'd go. I want her here but it's so hard to be beside someone who's happier and more energetic and I can't match that energy, I can't do it.

"Okay, maybe I'm just bad at explaining, can I just sing it to you instead?" she looks at me with these hopeful eyes and I can't do it.

"Just– not now, okay?" I try to keep my unexplainable anger at bay.

"But... why? It's not like you're doing anything..." she murmurs the last part.

"Wow, thanks!" I sarcastically chime in, rolling my eyes, pulling my hand away.

"Ugh, Freya, you know I didn't mean–"

"Just go."

She stands up and takes a step, then turns around, frustrated. She pulls my blanket off me.

We were born and raised in the Golden State, mommy's gone and daddy's doing his best...

"You know, I just don't know what the fuck I'm doing that pisses you off so much. Because lately it feels like just existing in the same room as you turns you into this passive aggressive bitch!" Billie snaps. Tears start to roll down my cheeks.

"So go into the other room? Seems like a simple fucking solution, Billie."

"Jesus fucking christ. Can you say anything nice? Can you pretend to give a shit? And for fucks sake, can you get off the fucking couch for once?" Billie moves to stand above me.