online love (billie eilish)

numb

A/N: this story is gonna take another direction after this chapter 👀👀 i haven't decided on an ending I like so we're gonna just keep writing and whatever happens happens. 

inspo: numb, meg myers

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When all is said and done, tell me how to write this...

Freya's POV:

"I thought about it, and we gotta just get out of here for awhile, and then I'm going on tour in a few months and we'll be safe that way, only staying in each place for a day or two, everything will work out if we just leave now," Billie tries to persuade me, reaching for the door but I stop her.

"Billie--"

"We can talk on the way, I don't wanna be in this place anymore, not for another minute, Freya."

"BILLIE!" I yell, and force her to look at me. To see the dried blood on my hands and my clothes.

"Don't, please, don't say anything depressing or make this into a fight. I stayed, okay? I'm choosing you. And I'm choosing to believe I can have you and have a life that's calm and stable. Because I'm gonna protect you in all the ways I should've before," Billie starts, looking away from the blood.

I wanted to believe in the words she was saying, but I couldn't concentrate on a single word. It was all static, background music. She was talking and my life was flashing in the reflections in her eyes.

"I was laying there while you were gone, thinking of all the things I could've and should've done differently. Whenever I turned my back on you, whenever I failed to trust or believe in you, that's when you get hurt or I get hurt. But it's all over now, you're gonna be safe now. I thought about why you did the things you've done, and I saw it so clearly. You just wanted somebody to believe in you. You just wanted me to see you at your worst and love you anyways. You wanted me to see how hard you were trying."

I feel my body go limp and she catches me, tears collecting on her neck from my own eyes.

"It's too late, Billie. I did it. I did it and now I'm ruined," I sob and she grips my back with her hands, slowly rocking me.

"You could never be ruined to me," she whispers but I don't believe her. I punch her chest and she just pulls me closer.

I'm in your custody...

"You said--- You said she was good before she met me! You think that I ruin everything! How can you just say those things and then say these things hoping the two will cancel out? You're the fucking carousel I--"

She doesn't get angry like I expect or yell back at me. She holds me closer, again.

"No, Billie! I still don't believe you! You've never, ever wanted me as much as I wanted you. And I know it's not your fault, but it still hurts me," I refuse to give in.

"Freya, I forgive you. Do you forgive me?" Billie pulls back to look into my eyes.

"You don't forgive me," I spit out.

"I do forgive you," she repeats it, harder this time.

"YOU DON'T FORGIVE ME!" I scream and she grabs my face in her hands.

"I FUCKING FORGIVE YOU NOW FORGIVE ME ALREADY JESUS CHRIST!"

"FINE I FORGIVE YOU!" I yell and collapse into her again, crying.

I feel her body shake with light laughter and I pull back, raising my eyebrows through the tears.

"Are you fucking laughing?" I try to hold back a crazed smile.