Jongho couldn't stop thinking about how Y/N must have had it, how it must have hurt her knowing how Seonghwa felt about her. It was a judgement of her looks, and who could ever get passed something like that? Knowing you were chosen so not to intimidate Atinys, not to be a threat, but rather someone they could feel a connection to. Like if Y/N got chosen by Seonghwa, it could have been any of them. Like there was nothing special about Y/N. It was cruel! Just cruel, and Jongho honestly had never been this disappointed in Seonghwa.
«Hey, gorgeous!» Jongho said as Y/N came to dinner in the dorm. He saw her tense up, her eyes darting around the table.
«That's not funny, you never say things like that,» she said and sat down by the table. Not everyone had heard what Jongho said, but they picked up on the tension.
«I just.. You look nice today.»
«He told you, didn't he.» Y/N looked at Seonghwa, and then at the others. Her eyes picked up on who knew what she was talking about, which was most of them. The room went completely silent. «Great.» She stood up, but Jongho grabbed her hand.
«No, please, don't go. I wasn't being sarcastic, Y/N. We love you.»
«Yeah, just wonderful. I knew you all knew about this, about why I was picked, but I had hoped we could just keep not talking about it. But fine, whatever! The average girl should not get too comfortable around all these idols. I get it. I totally get it.»
«Y/N, please, that's just not..» Hongjoong said.
Wooyoung had started to cry, he certainly felt guilty. «We really do love you, Y/N,» San said, squeezing Woos hand. «You're one of us.»
«Only I'm not! Everyone here knows it's temporary, so let's not get too invested, alright? I'll keep out of your hair, as best I can.»
She turned on her heel and walked out, head held high and tears rolling down her face.
They all looked at each other. Someone should go after her, but who?
«She hates me,» Seonghwa said. «I better not go.»
«And now she hates me too,» Jongho said, his voice cracking.
«I'll go, damn it!» Mingi stood up and ran after Y/N, before anyone else could.
--
«Y/N, please wait,» Mingi said as she was going into the apartment.
«Please leave me alone,» she said, but he still followed her inside.
«I can't leave you alone when you're this sad.» Mingi closed the door behind him and followed her towards her bedroom.
«Yes, you can. I'm fine. Go away.»
«You're not fine. You think we don't love you, but we do. All of us do.»
«Yeah, whatever. This is a job. I don't love you.»
«That's not true, either. I know you love us. You love me.»
«No, I don't!» She slammed her bedroom door in his face, and he could hear her sob behind it. It only took a few seconds before the door opened again and she threw herself around his neck. «That's not true, I'm sorry. I do love you, Mingi.»
«I know you do. I love you, Y/N.» He held her tight, stroking her back as her sobs calmed down a little. «Come sit with me,» he said, and she just did whatever he said, she felt completely lost.
After some time, Woo and San came knocking. Woo was crying hard, and Y/N started all over again, sobbing like a baby.
«I feel so guilty,» Woo said. «I feel like I started with a negative attitude towards you, but now I love you so much!! I really love you, Y/N. I'm so sad you didn't feel it.»
«I feel it now.»
More hugging, before Jongho also popped his head into the apartment. Mingi nodded his head when Jongho met his eyes. He dared come into the living room.
«Hey Y/N,» he said and she quickly stood up and hugged him.
«Jongho, I'm sorry,» she cried against his neck.
«I'm sorry too,» he said. «I'm sorry about everything. But I love you so much!»
«You're my best friend here, I'm sorry I snapped at you.»
Mingi, San and Woo left Jongho and Y/N alone. They sat talking for a long time.
--
«I'm really sorry he said what he said to you,» Jongho finally said.
«Someone the average Atiny could relate to,» she said and looked to the roof.
«That was harsh.»
«But true.»
«No, not true.»
«Yes, it was true when he chose me.»
«He didn't know you back then.»
«No, it was purely from my looks, and my resume, but... I'm not sure that makes it any better. Because I can't change what I look like. I'm going to be big, I'm not going to become thin within a year. Probably never. And..»
«Nobody wants you to loose weight, sweetie,» Jongho quickly said.
«Well,» she shrugged. «I'm sure a lot of the issues here is my lacking self confidence. If I just didn't care what Seonghwa thought of me, or what any of you thought, then I wouldn't be crying today.»
«This is not your own fault, Y/N. Seonghwa said stupid things in the beginning.»
«He really didn't,» she said. «He only told the truth. I could never hold that against him. That wasn't really a problem, I could deal with it. The problem began... when.. I guess I acted too good. Flirting, I mean.»
«Was it really acting, though?»
«Shush!» she said, she wasn't ready. «The problem was him acting like he wanted me. He does not. I know he doesn't. Not really. I might have made things a little... exciting, but this is not real.»
«So you don't trust him?»
«I trust him with my life. But not with my heart.»
—
Seonghwa sat in the living room back at the dorms when Jongho finally returned.
«Hey,» Jongho said.
«Hey. How is she?»
«Better. She's gone to bed now. You should be okay to go over there.»
«She doesn't want to see me?»
«She hasn't said much about you, so I honestly don't know.»
«Oh,» Seonghwa said, nodded his head. He stood up, folded the blanket he had been hiding under, he had even considered just sleeping there.
«Good night, hyung.»
«Good night, Jongho.»
He tried being as silent as possible as he came into the apartment. Most of the lights were off, and the door to her bedroom was closed. Seonghwa went to his own room and got ready for bed, but as he stood there and looked in the mirror, he only wanted to see her. Talk to her. Apologize again. Tell her the truth. The entire truth.
YOU ARE READING
Fake it till you make it // Ateez // P.SH
Fanfiction"This contract says I'm to act like Park Seonghwas wife for a minimum of one year?" -- Y/N takes on the job as Seonghwas wife, but it is strictly a facade. She is not someone he ever would have looked at twice in a normal situation. "But why me?"...
