Love Hurts

Forbidden Fruit.

CHARLOTTE

He is kneeling before. He is on his knees with his palms up, resting on his thighs. This surprise surrounding this stance may seem so pointless and trivial but this is a submissive stance. The thing about a submissive stance is that it usually correlates to a submissive person... and this man before me is not a submissive man by nature. My hand rests on his cheek, his blue eyes brighter than ever stare up at me. His hair effortlessly unstyled has some pieces resting on his forehead, undoubtedly from constantly running his hands through it. I itch to run my hands through it, and tug and pull it. I have never seen it this long, when we together he always kept it on the shorter side. Not a  buzz cut length but it was never long enough for me to grasp and tug on. It intrigues me and...turns me on? His lips are slightly parted and his breathing is erratic, it seems as though he is just as affected by me as I am to him. My hand that laid dormant on his cheek starts to move, I raise my other one to the other cheek, I can't have it feeling left out. My fingers seeking out the shape and new lines on his face showing me that he has aged some these past five years. I run my hands over his face until there is nothing but his lips left untouched. My eyes that were tracking my fingers movements across his face jump to his eyes. I suck in a sharp breath, he's looking right at me. My eyes jump back to his lips, plump and soft like a piece of forbidden fruit. I am not sure what the hell about them is so monumental but we both know this is a big deal. I watch as my thumb inches to his bottom lip, and run it back and forth. I want to taste it. Before I can take action on that thought his lips open as if he were going to say something. My thumb can't help but fall into his mouth, he lightly sucks on it my breath hitches and he lets it go. His mouth open and closes again, sans my thumb this time. 

"May I touch you?" It was stated as a question and if it were anyone else on the receiving end of it I think they would have believed it to be just that - a question. But it wasn't. It was more of a statement with a 'I'll stop if you tell me but I'm gonna do what I want.' I don't respond because even though I know I should not let him touch me, I want him to. Desperately. So instead I run my thumb across his bottom lip again, which I believe he takes as acceptance because his hands move from his thighs to grasp mine. Caressing my hands that caress his face. He grabs them and moves them to his mouth, kissing each knuckle with a tenderness that almost makes me cry. Once he's completed his tasks of worshipping all ten fingers he turns his eyes back up to me and places my hands back on his face. He doesn't let go of my hands quiet yet though. 

"I am going to grovel Charlotte Elizabeth. I am going to do everything in my power to earn you back. I know I don't deserve you, and it might be selfish of me to pursue you but I think we forget that I know you, like you know me." 

He grabs one of my hands from his cheek and kisses it before nuzzling it back up to his face again. "Like the back of your own hand. You can read me from a mile away, just like I can read you. And even though you deny it with every fiber of being that makes up that perfect soul of yours, you want this. Baby please give me the opportunity to spend the rest of my life groveling and making it up to you for the biggest mistake I made in my life. After what I did I do deserve to be alone, rot in the oats I sowed. But I don't think you want to be alone. I don't think you want me to be alone. I am more than willing to put the work into this. You want to go to therapy? Please I am begging you, allow me the honor to do that with you. We will go so incredibly slow, go at any rate you deem appropriate. We can start over, please. Please do not allow the mistake I made because I was weak, to ruin the future we could have together. I was a child that let something frivolous as my parents ending marriage affect our union. I will get on my knees before you everyday in apology, in remorse for what I did to us, in honesty for all my actions moving forward, and in love for you. Allow me that chance."

My knees go weak. From this seeming profession of never ending love and my own personal mental exhaustion. I am tired. I am mad. He had to go and complicate our lives. Make me question my absolutes on a cheater. I always thought I would find someone else in the billions of people on this planet, because I did not deserve what was done to me. He cheated. On me. Our unborn daughter. I should hate him, but I find myself missing him. I always thought cheating was a black and white situation. I have come to learn that there is a lot of grey between those lines, and I am smack dab in the middle of it. And god fucking dammit if I am sick of what side of the line I am on right now. I'm not happy, I wish I was fucking happy pushing this man out of my life, my heart forever but... I think I owe it to myself to try the other side. I will have no one to blame but myself if it goes awry. I fall to my knees in front of him - tired, eyes guessing to be glassy, filled with unshed tears. "Okay. One more chance..."

...

Hello loves...

Thank you for reading.

Lewis xo

(P.S. Not proof read or edited)