Spitfire

34. Hurts Too Much

Stacy

I'm so fucking angry about everything that has happened. Why did this happen and why the hell couldn't he have been there for me! I honestly don't know if I'm more angry or hurt by what has happened.

I was no where near ready to be a mother, but that should have been my choice. That choice was taken away from me and I'm pissed.

The tears roll down my face as I stare blankly at the wall. I am so lost in my own mind that I do not hear my door open.

"Stace babe you in here?"

I still can't remember that night. All I know is I was drugged and lost my baby. I get up and grab the vase off the table and launch it, as I scream from the top of my lungs. When strong arms wrap around me I struggle to get free.

"Let me fucking go!"

"Whoa Stace! Lucas wouldn't like it much if you damaged my pretty face."

I turn around in his arms and almost collapse.

"Jax!" I cling onto him as he strokes my hair.

"I got you Stace."

I fist his shirt in my hands and cry harder than I ever have. "Who the fuck would do this?!" I start pounding on his chest. I know I shouldn't but I can't stop the ache in my heart. "Why would he think I'd do something like that?" He strokes my back as I stop hitting him and slump into his embrace.

He pulls back and looks in my eyes. "We all make mistakes darlin." I shake my head and move away from him.

"No Jax, not like this! Not fucking like this!" I yell. I just want to throw something else, no better yet beat the shit out of my so called boyfriend.

"Stace, hear me out." I glare at him as he puts his hands up in surrender. "If the roles were reversed what would you have thought?"

I stop pacing and look at him
The part of me that would think rationally knows the answer. I would have acted worse then Chris has ever acted. But I'm not thinking logically at the moment.

"I would have listened." I hold my chin up high showing my stubbornness. Jax shakes his head and gives me the all knowing look.

"Bullshit Stace! You know you would have castrated him." His nose scrunches as he grabs his crotch, shaking off the image. I almost laugh at the sight but remember how pissed I am.

"Fine! I would have beat his ass then the bitch's ass too. Are you happy now?"

He chuckles and smiles at me, this time I actually smile for a moment. I don't know it is just something about Jax that can lighten up any day. I understand now why all the girls fell for him and why Lucas is crazy about him.

"There's my girl."

I pull him into a hug. "Thanks Jax." My front door opens again and I go rigid. All the anger I was trying to get rid of comes back tenfold.

"Spitfire."

I feel Jax go stiff and I guess he is still pissed at him too.

"What do you want Chris?"

"I want to talk...please."

I move away from Jax and I feel my body tremble. I look at Jax. "Will you go with me tomorrow to get a new set of locks."

"Sure, but remember what I said Stace. I will let you two talk. Call me if you need anything." He kisses my cheek and pats Chris on the back. "Hurt her again and Lucas won't be able to stop me from doing more than punching you in the face."

"Dually noted."

Jax turns back at me and winks. 'you got this' he mouths and I nod my head. With that he left and I am stuck staring at my boyfriend.

"I'm sorry Spitfire." Chris walks up to me and tries to pull me into a hug but I step back.

"Don't." I shake my head because everything is too much right now.

"I'm the biggest fucking idiot in the world. I didn't...no I wasn't thinking straight at the moment."

"But you thought I would do that to you." My hands start shaking because this hurts so damn much. "I would have never done that to you." I feel my feet moving towards him but I want to pull back. My heart and head are at war with each other. The tears slide down my face, and the next thing I know is I slap him across the face.

"I hate that you would think so little of me."

"Baby I.." I hold up a hand to stop him. "I hate the fact that I fell in love when I knew it would end in heartbreak." Chris shakes his head, and I see the tears forming in his eyes.

"This between us isn't over Stace. Not by a fucking long shot."

I try not let what he says sway me. "I fucking hate how I feel right now. I love you Chris, I fucking do. But I hate you at the same damn time for what happened. Someone took away my right to choose if I wanted our baby." I choke on a sob. "Some asshole could have done worse to me, thank God I wasn't raped."

Chris pulls me in his arms and I fall into his embrace. "I will find the son of a bitch Spitfire I promise. I thought it was Dominic and paid him a visit."

I pull back and look at him. "You what?!"

"It wasn't him. Apparently he was in lock up at the time for intoxication. I swear I was ready to kill him."

"Stay away from him. You know how dangerous he is.'

"Baby I'm more dangerous when it comes to someone hurting you."

I shake my head and back away from him.

"You hurt me Chris and I need some time to deal with all these emotions."

"Are we breaking up?"

"I don't Chris I need time. Please give me that."

He walks up to me and crashes his lips to mine, and I let him. I want to forgive him, I really do, but I just can't right now. I pull away and we both have tears falling.

"I love you Spitfire."

"I know and I love you and right now that's what hurts the most. I think I need to be alone now."

"I'm not giving up on us." He kisses my head and walks out. A part of me wanted him to put up more of a fight, but am relieved he listened to me.

I let the tears fall as I lay in a fetal position on my couch. I just hope that we can get through all of this.