Spitfire

41. One Step Forward

It's been months since everything happened, and things get better than worse. I thought us taking things slow would help, but not so much. I feel like we are walking on eggshells half the time. Trying not to make us crack even further.

I thought maybe seeing our best friends get engage would help, and it did for a little bit. But now things are back to self loathing and hurt.

I miss her and the way things were. I wrap my arms around her and wish things were different. When she snuggles closer I sigh in content.

"I love you Chris."

I kiss the nape of her neck and inhale her scent.

"I love you Stacy Adler, my Spitfire, more than you'll ever know."

We fall back to sleep for a little while until I feel her moving and then she screams. I try to wake her up gently, but she is fighting off her own demons. I feel helpless.

"Spitfire"

She bolts up slapping my chest. "Babe it's me, Chris." I feel my eyes water at the sight.

"Chris!" She clings to me and tries to control her breathing. I rub her back trying to soothe her. "Stace" I only ever say her name if it's serious. She looks up at me with her eyes glistening. "I think you should talk to someone about this." She shakes her head and moves away from me to get off the bed. "We are not talking about this again Chris."

I get out of bed as well. I see her stare at my scars and her lip trembles.

"Stop it now Spitfire." The anger builds in me. Not because of her, but just the situation itself. "This" I point to myself where her eyes are still staring at the scars. "Is not your fault." I stride over to her and grab her shoulders. "I would do everything again a million times over. As long as you are safe."

"You could have fucking died because of me!" She yells as she shoves me away from her. I pull her flush to my body. "I could have, but I didn't. I'm right here." I bring my lips to hers as I cup her face and kiss her tenderly. She cling to me desperately, as I do her.

"Come back to me Spitfire...please." she sobs into my shoulder as I place tender kisses down her neck.

"He's in my head still Chris." I suck in a breath because she hasn't mentioned that since it all happened.

"Then let me wipe it from your memory."

I pick her up and kiss her passionately, as I walk us back to our bed my.

"Give me your pain Spitfire. I'll gladly take it."

I kiss her again as my hands caress her body. When I feel the tears slip from her eyes, I kiss them away.

"You are beautiful." I kiss her forehead. "Brave" I say as I kiss her eyes, nose and cheeks. "Compassionate." My kisses trail down her neck. "Bad ass" that gets a giggle out of her. When my mouth descends in her nipple I take it in my mouth. She arches her back and lets out a moan. "Stubborn as all hell." I take her other one in my mouth and swirl my tongue around. "Gorgeous, sexy, opinionated."

I keep telling her all the things I love about her, good and bad. As I do this I kiss every inch of her body. When I am back and my lips are mere inches from her, she is breathing heavy. I stare into her beautiful eyes. "I'm so fucking in love with every part of you Stacy. It will never change no matter what happens. One day we will be married and have a beautiful family." I say as I slide myself into her. She pulls me to her and I kiss her again, as I thrust deep inside her.

"I love you so much too my jackass." I smile as I see the first genuine smile on her face in so long. "There's my girl." I kiss her again as she rolls us over and is on top and starts moving up and down on me. I moan as her hair fans over us and she kisses me with fervent.

I sit up and she wraps her legs around me. As we move and mold into one another as one. All the times we have been together this is the most intense it's been.

"I'll always love you Chris." I thrust up into her and she cries out. "So will I." I see a single tear run down her face, and I wipe it away as we hit our climax together.

Afterwards we shower and go another round this time rougher more primal. It's like we are making up for lost time. Even though we have been together all this time after the ordeal it seems we have lost our way.

We needed this,more than we realized.

"Don't give up on me Chris. I couldn't bare it."

"Never love."

I lay her on the bed and wrap my arms around her. I need her as close as possible. My body shudders as I think back to when I thought I lost her. It hurts so bad and I have kept it inside. She needed me more than I needed to confront my own demons.

She turns in my arms and stares at me. When her hand touches my face I realize I am crying.

"I almost lost you Spitfire for a second time." She looks at me with trembling lips. "I thought he would finish what he started all those years ago. And I couldn't do a damn thing." My body trembles as she pulls me closer and I bury my face in the crook of her neck. "I didn't stop it then, and I couldn't now."

"Chris one step forward. That's all we can do now." I nod my head and kiss her lips again. The rest of the day we stay in bed only getting up to eat and shower again.

Even though this has felt like heaven, I still feel unease. After making love again and again we fall asleep. When I wake up the next morning the bed is empty beside me, with a note on her side of the bed.

She's gone