Vivamus, Moriendum est (Rorschach x oc)

3. I Think I Love You

Spring 1956

Fighting through the throng of students going the opposite direction of me had not been ideal. On top of that it was Friday afternoon and the lunch bell had just rung. Though I wasn't too worried. I weaved in and out of my fellow classmates with relative ease. Besides I had promised my best friend, Walter Kovacs, that I would meet him in the hall between the gym and the lunch hall.

Raising myself on my toes slightly, I surveyed the halls searching for the sprout of fiery red hair characteristic of my best friend.

Becoming Walter Kovacs' friend hadn't been easy. He was a painfully shy and reserved boy. Very capable. Talented. Lousie had let up on him after seeing how well liked he was after his first week. He didn't talk to anyone. Though in class he was capable of intelligent discussion, and he was a talented writer and gifted in boxing and gymnastics. The nuns were thrilled to have a gifted athlete at their school. Most importantly to them, because he was reserved that meant he didn't cause problems. A well behaved and gifted child, the nuns adored him. And our other classmates were rather revering of him as well. Ah, actually. Only at sporting events.

See Walter kept entirely to himself nearly. Yes, he could engage in discussion. But any attempt at general socializing was rebuffed. Which led him to fade into the background mostly.

Except to me.

I had a rather annoying (at least annoying to others) habit of not letting things go. I had no friends. Tried not to let that bother me. Though most of the time I felt terribly alone. Long before Walter had ever shown up, did I give up on my attempts at friendship with all of the other kids at the Charlton home. Louise Halter had solidified my reputation there. I wasn't liked by Louise, the other students, or the nuns. And so, I was alone.

But Walter, he seemed different. Just as alone. Like me, it didn't seem that it was he didn't want friends. Just for whatever reason he couldn't find it in himself to make them. Like me. And his eyes were frightening. That deep sadness behind them. I didn't want anyone to have to feel that. And selfishly I wanted to know what caused that sadness to be there.

Walter Kovacs was the key to ending my forced solitude. I was sure of it. He would be the one constant person in my life. My biological father had been in and out of prison the short time I had known him. Then he died. My biological mother was despondent. Univolved. Almost disinterested from grief. My siblings, I had only been around them a short while. And the Maddoxs. Bless them. But they were workaholics. And they had been the ones to ship me off to the Lilian Charlton Home. Far far away from them in NYC. In another state. Only seeing them during the summer months and for a few days around Christmas and Easter.

The nuns were never motherly or real parental figures that I connected with. Just figures of authority charged with making sure I stayed in line. My classmates? Forget it. They moved in and out of the school constantly. Being allowed to leave after the nuns deemed them able to function and perform as good contributing members of society. Louise Halter had been allowed leave in 1953 (which meant the school's funding tanked. Along with the quality of infrastructure and well everything).

Desperately, I just wanted one person who'd be by my side. Unwavering in their desire to be around me. Someone who wouldn't take interest and then decide I was too high maintenance. Too much to deal with. Annoying. A burden.

I shamelessly followed Walter around school. Confronting him with comfort and kindness, I realized Walter was even more alone than I was. I had the Maddoxs and I could occasionally see my siblings and biological mother. I knew the Maddoxs at least loved me. I was wanted there. Just pushing down those feelings I got, not being around them for most of the year. Walter though, he was truly alone. He had no one. No one to even be tricked into the belief of having pity rather than love.