Vivamus, Moriendum est (Rorschach x oc)

7. Finding Hell

Walter's P.O.V.

My first action upon returning to New York was to find a payphone.

Shrill rings came from the other end. They continued for quite some time. I was taking my chances on this call.  Just after one o'clock in the morning. Who would answer the phone now?

Just as I was about to replace the receiver there was a faint 'hello' on the other end.

"Mrs. Maddox?" I questioned.

"Yes, hello. Who- Walter is that you?" Mrs. Maddox stammered from the other end.

"It's me." I affirmed.

"Oh, hello Walter. I'm looking forward for you and Marya coming home tomorrow. Is everything alright?"

"I'm sorry to call this late."

"Oh, I don't mind you calling at all Walter. Just an unusual time. Did something happen?"

"No, I just wanted to thank you."

"Thank me?"

"Yes, for everything that you've done for me. You're a-hrm very kind woman. I'll forever be in your debt. If you ever need anything-"

"Walter-" She interrupted her voice laced with worry.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Maddox. I won't be returning home with Mary tomorrow."

"Why not? You're more than welcome in my home. You've been with us the last six years. You're part of the family." She pleaded.

"I've been cleared by the school. They gave me a job in a garment factory across the city. I can't stay with you at the lake house and traveling between there and the penthouse-"

"Then Walter we won't stay at the lake house! Well, we will just this week Marya's sister is getting married. I promised she could use the house. But we'll come back! I understand, you're entering the work force. You can stay with us."

"No, you've done enough."

"Walter, none of the last six years have been favors. You do not owe us debts."

"Regardless of what it was I can't stay."

"Nonsense! -"

"Please listen," frustration edged into my voice, "I have to do something. Once I do it, I shouldn't be around anymore. This is inevitable. I was always going to have to leave. I don't belong. This only confirms that."

"What do you have to do?" Her voice shook.

"I can't tell you that."

"Walter please-"

"Can I ask one last thing of you?"

"You're not making any sense. Tell me what's going on!"

"Can I ask one last thing?"

"I-hm-alright, I suppose." She gave in.

"What can you find me on George Paterson?"

"I don't know. Who is that?"

"A very bad man. Are you able to find me information on him?"

"Information? What kind of information? Walter, what are you planning to do?"

"A location should be sufficient. At least a rough one."

"Alright. I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you, truly. Can I call you back in three days?"

"I suppose. I'll tell you what I find then."

A short silence fell over both of us. Mrs. Maddox was the one to break it again.

"Walter, are you going to tell me what you're doing?"

I didn't hesitate.

"No."

"Can you at least tell me if you'll be coming home again?"

This time I did hesitate. The question wasn't would I be coming back. It was should I come back. That was the question I decided to answer. Though I suppose the answer to both was the same.

"No."

"Why?"

"I-" My voice got all choked up, "I don't deserve to."

"Oh, please don't say that. No offense Walter but I think I'm the one who decides that. I don't know what you're doing but please whatever it is I don't care. Please come home."

"You wouldn't say that if you knew."

"It can't be anything as stupid as something my daughter would do."

The phone beeped, warning me my time was running out.

I gave a mirthless chuckle.

"Does she know?"

"No. She's not involved."

"She's going to miss you. Did you at least consider her in your decisions?"

"Yes. I have to leave for her."

"Walter-"

The beeps became aggressive. I had to get this last part out.

"Mrs. Maddox, can you tell Mary something for me?" 

I felt a tear making its way down my cheek.

"Of course, but I'm sure she'd rather you tell her yourself."

I paused. This was something I needed to say. I wanted to. Then why was it so hard? Mary deserved to hear it from me. But did I deserve to say it?

"Walter-hello? I think the phone's cutting o-wha- id you wa- to tell her?"

"Tell Mary-" I took a deep breath trying to steel myself.

"Tell Mary I love her."

But the line had gone dead. The dial tone faded out, being replaced with a deafening screech.

I had been too late. I could only speculate if Mrs. Maddox had heard me.

I held the phone in front of my face. Wondering if I should try to redial. Say it again. But it had taken enough effort the first time. Now that the moment was gone would I even be able to conjure the words again?

Deciding against the redial I slammed the phone back on the receiver. The phone making a slight clang as I did so.

I turned away from the booth. Walking off into the night.