L'Arte dell'Amore (Not Edited)

XIX

It was the day before Vincent's surprise party and Lavender was nervous. Perhaps it added to her already anxious state. Some days were worse than others.

Today was bad, Lavender couldn't help it though.

After classes she made sure to help Ripley out at the bookstore. Lavender found herself wondering why Vincent wanted to be friends with her.

Lavender hoped she wasn't annoying to him.

Now she was back in her apartment and tried to use the vanilla scented bath to soothe herself. Lavender couldn't help it, her anxiety had worsen. She hadn't heard from Mama or her dad in too long.

Lavender's heart twisted in guilt thinking about how she hadn't been there for them. At least that's what her Mama told her when she called last. Asking for more money.

She hadn't even realized her airway was constricted. Lavender was holding her breath, a thing she found herself doing when becoming upset. Blowing out a sharp breath, Lavender took in a bigger one.

Her chest constricted painfully as she began to panic.

Quickly she had scrambled out of the tub in the matter of seconds. Once Lavender had wrapped the towel around herself, her body hit the floor.

She tried to regain her breathing, but her thoughts only worsen.

Mama isn't proud.

Her father was sick. She knew it.

Why couldn't she breath? Taking in more jagged breaths, Lavender closed her eyes letting out a sharp sob.

Lavender knew in that moment that her vile overthinking had made her spiral into a panic attack. Her fingers scratched at her chest trying to get more air to her lungs.

"P-Please.." Lavender cried out to no one as she sat on the bathroom floor.

Lavender couldn't move. Was she dying? Her heart pounded in her chest at an unhealthy rate. Sobs wrecked havoc on her fragile body.

"I-I need help!" Her voice cracked like thin glass. She didn't know who she was screaming for, but there was only one person she needed. After Lavender managed to pull her breathing together she looked at what she had done to her chest.

Another cry left her swollen lips as her damp hair clung to her flushed face. Deep red marks filled her once pale flesh. One in particular was now a welt, she knew it would leave a scratch.

As Lavender's tears didn't stop she stumbled aimlessly to her bed. Her heart felt so constricted, she needed something to calm her. Her body was wetting the mattress and covers, as the towel was falling. Lavender couldn't continue as she choked on another sob.

Lavender knew she should have gotten back up. Her hair was wet and she had no clothes on. Lavender's body had already started to shiver, but she couldn't feel anything but the aftershock of her panic attack.

Lavender had wrapped the towel tightly around her body, as tight as her shaking hands could manage. Pulling all of her blankets up, she pushed her face back into the covers. Hiding.

Her body wasn't done. The violent shaking of her frame, and heart-wrenching sobs that filled the cold air of the room was an accountant for that. Lavender tried to calm herself down by thinking of his words, but it wasn't working. She needed to breathe.

Her fingers gripped the bunny who was now damp from Lavender's tears and hair. Which was making Lavender shiver, she knew better, but this was too much.

Finally her chest started to feel lighter. Lavender hiccuped again, and wished she had someone to hold her. This was hard. She had told people her struggles, but Lavender wouldn't tell a soul about her panic attacks. She found it entirely embarrassing.