The Cuckoo's Cage

Chapter Twenty

Two days had passed since that awful night. Anna had finally gone back to her own room once it was cleaned, but she didn't leave it passed that. The children would all go and sit with her, none of them talking about what had happened. Anna could tell Freda wanted to ask, but thankfully, she remained quiet. She found herself clinging to the three of them even more than usual. She knew that, very soon, she would lose them too; it weighed so heavily on her heart. She wanted to enjoy every moment that she could with them, and they with her. Ernst had finally told them that they would be leaving for Berlin to stay with his mother; the family home in Hamburg was sold on their move to the camp. They weren't happy about it at all, even if their father and Anna weren't speaking. He had left Anna alone in the days following the incident. She couldn't tell if it was out of anger or guilt, but she was glad of his absence. She just couldn't face him at all. Freddie assured her that Elli was still being cared for as usual, so it gave her time to build up her courage to see Ernst. If it was even possible, she had to reconcile with him. Even if the thought sickened her to her very core.

Freddie came to visit her on the third morning, knowing he could finally catch her alone. Ernst had taken the Standartenführer on the tour of all the camps, so there would be several hours where he was absent. When he arrived, he begged Maria to keep the children busy for him so that he could see Anna alone; there was something very important that he needed to do. He climbed the stairs, his heart hammering in his chest. He knocked on the door lightly, waiting for a response. There was none.

"Anna, it's Freddie," he said softly.

"Come in," she said from the other side. He found her sitting by her window, looking out over the courtyard. "I wondered why you were here," she smiled, going to him immediately and wrapping her arms around him. He returned the embrace, his hand cupping her head. He wasn't an overly tactile person, yet he needed her as much as she did him.

"I thought we could go for a walk whilst Ernst is at the camp," he said softly. Anna looked up at him, her brow knotted with worry. "You'll have to venture out at some point," he reminded her gently. "And, there's something I need to show you." She nodded lightly.

"Let me get dressed, then," she mumbled, going to her wardrobe and tugging out some warm clothes. When she was dressed, they headed downstairs and straight out of the door, making sure they didn't bump into anyone. Freddie led her to the lake, walking round a little way with his arm wrapped around her. Then he stopped, his eyes brimming with tears. "Freddie?" she said quietly.

"I wanted you to have somewhere to come and visit," he managed, now turning towards the lake. There was a small patch of freshly dug soil, pebbles placed intricately around it. Anna stared at it, taking in a sharp breath as she squeezed Freddie's hand. She went over to it slowly, kneeling down and placing her hand over the dirt. It was already frozen solid again.

"This must have been difficult for you," she mumbled quietly. "Was the ground really hard? It must have been..." She was trying to distract herself, but it wasn't working. She began to cry again, her face buried in her hand. Freddie knelt beside her, wrapping his arms around her and letting her cry into him.

"I'm so sorry, Anna," he whispered, rocking her as she now clung to him.

"I failed her," she sobbed.

"No, Anna," he urged. "You can't blame yourself."

"I spent so long hating her... and now she's been ripped from me..." Her words were barely audible and filled with despair. "How do I tell him? He'll hate me..."

"He won't hate you," replied Freddie, firmly. "He'll hate himself. If he hadn't left, you'd still be safe."

"I know," she cried. "And I hate him for it. But I miss him so much. And I need Karl..." She couldn't conjure any more words, simply clutching him close and crying. They stayed like this for a while, both ignoring the biting air around them. Freddie let her cry it out, soothing her as she calmed again. Finally, Anna took one of the larger pebbles at the head of the grave, holding it in her hands. "Perhaps we could carve her name on it?" she asked. Freddie pulled out his knife, taking it from her.