ೃ⁀➷ᴘꜱʏᴄʜᴏᴘᴀᴛʜ ¬ ᴇɴɢ ᴠᴇʀ

- E I G H T [CHRIS] -

That day, after the discussion we'd had and everything Felix had said, I began to realize a couple of things. Was I toxic? Yes, maybe I was. Could I be a psychopath? Also, and I knew it, but it was something I couldn't control.

I know it's going to sound like excuses I just made up, I hurt him and made him unhappy, of course I know that, but it wasn't something I did on purpose. During the day, I was locked in my office, working, as I used to tell him, but it was more of me complaining than doing anything else. I had never told him what I was working on for the same reason, because it was something I wanted to try without him knowing, at least not yet.

Even if he had studied journalism, that was not his ultimate dream. Felix studied that out of insecurity, to take another alternative, believing that his dream was ridiculous and impossible for him. When we met, he always mentioned how well the artists that appeared on social networks sang, he admired them and you could see that sparkle in his eyes, he had that feeling that I would also like to be like that.

Several times I took him to auditions around town, but he would flatly refuse and fear would show in his eyes. I would try to calm him down, and we would leave.

He knew that my dream was to be an editor, to have my own company and run it well, but I never decided to study at university about it, I just preferred to take courses and learn on my own. When I learned about his reasons for studying journalism and his real dream, I thought about what to do to be able to mix our longings and make them one. So I started working on it every day, even before the problems, but I never brought it to his attention.

My job already had a name, and I had chosen it because of something we both shared, our love for Australia, especially Sydney, so I named the company B&L Roo Entertainment. The letters for our surnames and the Roo for his favourite animal, kangaroos. My idea had been to create an entertainment company, so I could help more people, like him, who didn't have the confidence to fulfil their artistic dreams. And, on the other hand, I could use my editing skills to do everything related to publicity, debuts, and all that.

While I have focused only on building the company and doing that well, it is true that I neglected Felix as well and made him feel even more inadequate than before, but I promise it was not intentional. I'll say why I did that later.