ೃ⁀➷ᴘꜱʏᴄʜᴏᴘᴀᴛʜ ¬ ᴇɴɢ ᴠᴇʀ

- ELEVEN [FELIX] -

It's been almost two months since I resumed my life, I've gone shopping with my parents, taken little Seungmin to the amusement park and spent most of the days busy with anything. I made it a point to keep my mind busy so I wouldn't think about anything, but in the evenings the memories would fill me up.

As much as I didn't want to think about Chris or miss him, it was almost impossible, because it wasn't something of the brain, it was something of the heart, and I knew I couldn't just throw him away, just like that. I had given myself to him completely years ago, so I felt bad about leaving him too, but it was what I needed, even more so knowing that it had been his plan to let me go.

A few days ago a letter arrived at the door of the house, my father received it and handed it to me saying that it was for me, although the envelope did not say where it came from, but it said the following:

"First of all, I'm sorry for everything. I know no words will ever be enough, but I don't know how to make it up to you for everything I took from you by keeping you by my side. I chose to let you go and try to get you back to living the way you longed to live. It was a very big and irreparable mistake I made by stealing your freedom and making you feel bad repeatedly. You are the love of my life and I want you to live well, to be happy, and I hope someday to have the opportunity to return to your life, although I know I don't deserve it, especially since I never told you my true condition and hurt you like that. The truth is, since you are gone, I no longer see the sunlight and I only sleep, I take pills, I don't eat, but don't worry, I deserve it and destiny will know what to do with me. Don't think too much, worry about making your dreams come true and achieve everything you want. You will always have my support, even if it sounds a bit contradictory. Stay healthy. I'm fine. - Chris.

After reading all that, a strange feeling took over my sleep every day. I can't deny that I'm worried about how he's doing, but I don't have the courage to go see him and hear from him, I'm afraid of going through the same thing again. I want to be physically and mentally well before I face Chris and set the record straight. However, I couldn't ignore that doubt I had when he said he hadn't told me his true condition, I wanted to know what he meant. I thought about it for a few days and finally decided to take a bus to the other end of town and get to his parents' house. Mrs. Bang greeted me and hugged me the same way my mother had greeted me that day. Her husband wasn't there, so I just talked to her.

- Son, how have you been? I haven't heard from you in a long time. -She liked to call me that way and made me part of her family, but I noticed concern on her face, she wasn't the same as she was some time ago, she looked exhausted.

- So far so good, how about you? -I replied smiling, making her smile too.

- Oh, here, passing the days. Waiting for my only son to deign to show up here someday or answer the phone. -The anguish could be felt in his speech. - And what's the reason for your visit? -she tried to pull herself together.

- I wanted to ask her about Chris... -I said almost in a whisper, I knew it could be a delicate subject for her, so I held out the letter I had received from him and waited for her to read it, seeing how some tears were present on her cheeks. - I know it may be a delicate subject for you, I'm sure you already know the whole story if my mother told it to you, but I came here to ask you something that made me think. -I waited for her to take a breath and I brought the tissues I had near the table closer to her. - What condition is Chris talking about? Did he have some disease I never noticed?

- He, uh... has an inherited mental illness. It's called TPA, he's been treated since he was a child, but we knew that all the improvements could disappear as soon as he had a close or intimate relationship with someone. -He kept talking and told me the whole story, from his childhood days to the treatments and now. I slowly understood everything, from his changes to how he might be now, and it scared me to think about it, that maybe something could happen to him.

Hours later I left that cozy house to take another bus home. Mrs. Bang had invited me to lunch, so I wasn't hungry during the almost two-hour ride.

When I arrived, I had dinner with my parents and told them a summary of what she had told me. There my mother told me what Mrs. Bang had warned her about years before. I understood a few more things, and when night came, I went to sleep, although I didn't make it. I tossed and turned more than ten times in bed, until I couldn't take it anymore and I turned on my laptop, entered the browser and looked up what TPA really meant.

I was afraid. And that strange feeling terrified me.