The Impossible Girl

The Bar Brawl

For someone so smug in what is, annoyingly, their obvious superiority to everyone around them, Lisa really just can't ever pass up the chance to show off. Someone got to talking about women's lower alcohol tolerance and insisted he'd never met the gal who could keep up with him. This led to him being the first one drunk under the table. She wasn't content to stop there though, she took another guy up on the challenge and from the look of things, she was about to claim victory over a third. The guy put down his shot and grinned widely a bit before falling over in a manner that seemed too much like a scene out of one of the Indiana Jones movies to be real and got drug off to a corner to be ill and passed out along with the first two.
"Are you up for a fourth?"
"Of course I am," Lisa gives her salon ad worthy hair a flip with her hand, "but I actually need a run at the ladies' room first. I'll be right back."
"That's quite alright," the guy's smile is a bit sleazy to my eye.
When Lisa's out of sight the guy drops something in her next shot glass. No way.
"Tell me you didn't just do what I think you did."
"What? Chick's pretty hot for a body builder. I figure this is the only way I don't get thrown around by her."
"Dude. You don't want to do that..."
"Oh what, like you haven't done it?"
"One, NO. No I have not. Two, you don't know what Lisa's capable of. I guarantee she will break you like kindling."
The guy laughs, clearly unimpressed. I almost want to intervene, attack the guy or tell her, but I'm not sure how she'll take some mere normal person trying to act in her defense. Then again it might be worse if I don't... the indecision has me so caught up in things I don't notice her approach until she's right there and sleazy guy is saying "Welcome back, gorgeous."
Lisa snorts lightly, she has a funny inflection to her 'unimpressed snorts' that I always kind of read as 'Try and tell me something I don't know.'
The guy goes first, downing a drink and slapping the glass down. I decide I'm going to jump in but Lisa's as fast as ever and it's too late before I can move. Then I notice she didn't swallow right away, one cheek bulges then the other as she swishes the fluid around her mouth once. She holds up the glass and looks at it in a way that makes me pretty sure she's considering spitting the drink back into it. I guess she must detect the drug, but that's not supposed to be possible is it? Well, I know her hearing, vision, and smell are superhuman, so why not the other senses? She changes her mind and swallows, but as the guy goes for his next shot she grabs his hand and freezes its motion upwards.
"Tell me, did you put something in my drink? Maybe something illegal?"
"What? You offend me. Of course I didn't--AAAAUGH!!" he doesn't quite finish the last word before Lisa closes her hand into a fist with enough force to shatter the shot glass.
"WHAT THE HELL YOU CRAZ---HNNN" the pressure must have increased, now blood's dribbling out of the bottom of his hand along with the alcohol.
"Do you know just how many tells there are when you lie? Things you can't help? Particular muscles twitch, the pitch of your voice changes unless you've got a condition. Hell, your face even changes color - not enough for most people to notice, but I'm...very observant."
She's got his complete attention, but I don't think he's processing what she's saying very well. He seems mostly confused and outraged with a lot of pain mixed in. Most everyone's pretty quiet, hell, I'm terrified into silence and I've kind of known her for quite some time. She seems to manage to constantly become ever more terrifying. Surely the world man built will fall to this one woman some day.
This other guy comes up aggressively reaching for her shoulder like he thinks he can pull her off, I guess he's either sleazy guy's buddy or a bouncer here at the bar. He doesn't reach her, she doesn't even let go of the dude's mangled hand as she launches into a spin kick that throws the guy into the bar with enough force to crack it. Or maybe that loud snapping sound was his ribs given the way he just crumples and doesn't move.
Another guy approaches from her other side and he purposefully keeps his hand in his jacket and raises a bulge in her direction, "Alright, point made. Let him go."
"Hmm, I don't think so. See, I'm a really big fan of disproportionate retribution," she spins the guy she's holding around so he's in between her and the possible gun. She's not nice about it either, his arm is clearly broken in the process and protests from him have been reduced to pathetic whimpers.
"I don't think this loser is worth protecting. If you turn around and walk out, he's the only one that has to get hurt. Well, him and the guy that didn't respect my personal space."
"I'm not sure you know who you're mangling lady," he starts and Lisa retorts with a grin flashing her perfect teeth in amusement, "dude's got some money, you could find yourself in a whole lot of trouble."
He gets annoyed with her bemused smile, but I guess he doesn't know who they're messing with. Lisa's not only the best at everything she tries, a highly in demand model, athlete in...everything, but she's like buy-a-chunk-of-congress loaded from whatever all she does. I can't even remember all of it.
"You idiot, just ice the bi--AAUHAAHAAUGH!"
"Didn't your parents teach you anything about name calling? Or maybe saving your own damn hide?"
I guess the guy has a concealed gun after all given the language and he makes a move for Lisa, but she twirls and throws the sleazy drugging guy into him. He recovers well though and comes at Lisa, but she followed the guy as she threw him and got behind his bodyguard almost as soon as they collided. There's a bang, but he's folding over backwards. I don't get why at first, then I see Lisa had gotten him into some kind of throw or something. He bounces off a wall head-first with his shot going high. He shakes his head a bit and comes up, drawing the gun out. Definitely a mistake, Lisa really hates it when you try to threaten her with lethal force. She grabs his arm, pushes it up away from his body and lads a few little jabs that really don't look like much of anything into his side. The look on his face and sharp snaps tell me she did some more rib breaking though. As he starts to double over she grabs his upper arm with her jabbing hand and makes his arm bend the wrong way with an even more brutal snap. The gun falls limply from his hand and she catches it, drops the clip out and smacks him across the face hard enough to send some blood flying in the same damn motion.
That guy is so down for the count but then all hell breaks loose, glass is breaking and furniture's flying. Lisa gives me this little gesture that she worked out for the people she's relatively fond of, it basically just means to get low and stay still while she gets violent. I scuttle back into the nearest wall as fast as I can, stumbling around people and nearly falling over one chair, but I make it and I duck low.
There's that thing sometimes where you're in a life threatening situation and adrenaline messes with your sense of time, making everything seem to run in slow motion. I know Lisa could give me the technical term for it in however many languages I wanted, but I never did bother to ask. Anyway, that happens and I see everyone and what they're throwing with more clarity than I would have imagined. Hell even Lisa, who's usually an impossible blur in a fight is slowed down to an almost follow-able Bruce Lee-esque speed. She doesn't hit anyone more than twice as she dodges and dances, people just go down immediately or she just throws them across the room. People try to use weapons on her to no avail, bottles and knives fly away from the hands wielding them. Hell, someone tried a chair and she just brought her arms together, holding her forearms vertical and flings them out to the sides, hitting the chair's legs and snapping them away from the main body. Then she lets out a straight, high kick that cleaves the main body of the chair in half. I don't think the poor guy even realized how or why the chair he was holding exploded in his face before he got knocked out. Oddly I notice that she spins a lot more than she should to be a perfectly pragmatic fighter, but she actually can afford it. She's so far above everyone else that she can twirl about in a flashy display and still wreck the shit out of everyone. Hell, she seems to throw in the odd jump kick to the face just to try to spice things up. Then I have the thought, wondering if this is just how she sees the world all the time. The rest of us trudging about in slow motion...
It's only hours later thinking back on it that I realize she might actually be partly forced to do it by her torso. Lisa's rack is huge and as amazingly perfect in form as the rest of her, but it does bounce with some breathtaking impressiveness and I realized that it would throw off her balance if that much mass was trying to still go one way when she had started to move herself in another. I bet she could compensate for it, since she can do anything short of flying under her own power, but I guess she preferred not to in this situation.
I think things are clear as the last couple guys just lie down in a surrendered position when these four guys barge in from outside. They go at Lisa with these big military type knives and crap. Unfortunately the adrenaline's down and the action is just a blur to me. Lisa disarms the first two easily, though one of the knives lands in the wall about a foot from my head. I almost want to complain to her about it later, but if it came that close to me... she's letting me know she's annoyed with me. I guess I should have ratted on the guy right off...
Then I notice these guys have amazing teamwork, they're actually keeping Lisa moving in a direction they chose, somehow almost compensating for her ridiculous speed. She's landing blows, but they're so good at complimenting each other that she can't seem to afford to put much power in them. Of course that's a relative matter which means in Lisa's case that she's not shattering them outright. One goes down and one of the others seems to start favoring one side as one of their number moves to the side and I lose track of them.
Lisa beats the one down and seems to be about ready to finish off the third when the impossible happens. The guy that moved away hit her in the face with a goddamn bar stool. Her head whips around and she falls forward far enough to have to catch herself on a table. I get a look at her face through the hair that's fallen in front of it for a fraction of a second. I've seen Lisa get annoyed and even angry before, but this is the first time I've seen her immaculate, actually mathematically "perfect" facial features contort in honest rage. I may or may not have involuntarily peed a bit.
The response is not flashy at all. She simply gets up, grabs the stool and yanks it free of the guy's hands and swings it back into him. The stool seems to fucking explode as the guy smashed into the bar and flips over it. I don't know if I imagined it or not, but it seems to me that he looked lumpy and distorted as he flew through the air. I'd honestly be amazed if the guy lived... The next guy tries to surrender but she just punches him in the throat, cutting off anything he was going to say, knees him in the stomach so he folds over and elbows him in the back of the head to send him into the floor. It's definitely over if she's moving slow enough for me to track it. She goes back behind the counter and gets some ice and puts it on her head and groans. I'm not sure I've ever seen her looking so...vulnerable is NOT the right word, but I struggle for the right one... I made my way over to her slowly.
"You got hit. Is it bad?"
She lifts the improvised ice pack away from her face and I see some light bruising starting on the side of her face, reaching a bit above and below her eye and puts it back on.
"You got hit with a stool to the face and you're...lightly bruised..."
"You want to gush about how amazing I am."
A statement, no question. She's right, I really want to express my marvel at her durability. I'd known she was every kind of amazing but I'd never seen her take a hit before. This was my first chance to praise her inhuman sturdiness.
She looks at me with a mildly exasperated expression for a second before shrugging and saying, "Go ahead, but keep the volume down. I have a rotten headache.
"Enough booze to wobble a horse, a piece of furniture to the face, and a roofie..."
"I should have spat that out...fucking thing's affecting me."
"Really?"
"Slowed me down enough for..." she says something in some other language. If forced to guess I'd go with Arabic... I just stand politely quiet, I know she can tell when people don't understand her.
She's quiet a minute just resting her face into the ice before she elaborates, "basically just a curse on Navy Seals."
"What makes you think...." her light glare is enough to make me change course immediately, "how do you know that?"
"Their fighting style mostly. There's a few other things, but I need to attend to this," she puts the ice pack down and marches over to the sleazy guy that drugged her who had drug himself most of the way out of the bar. She reaches down and grabs him by the belt and hauls him into the air. She walks over with his weight held up in one arm easily and drops him on a table. "I'm not done hurting you yet."
"You think you can get away with this?"
"I'm going to dispose of your security system before I go home."
"It won't help, the system here uploads..."
"Through the WI-fi. Not the best system really, a land line would have been trickier." She leans back and reaches into her cleavage and pulls out something that looks like a phone or something.
She's the only one not confused right now, but she laughs a little. "Tha-thump, tha-thump."
"Huh?"
"I'm laughing at you ridiculous boys. Hearts going all aflutter because I touched my own tits," she smiles mockingly as she grabs one in each hand and jiggles them a bit, "I wonder what hell you'd go through to do it yourself if it were possible for you."
I knew she could hear heart beats within a couple feet, but it seems like the music should have drowned out...no wait, there was no music now. I looked around and there's a chair imbedded in the wall where the speakers were. I guess I didn't notice...
"What the hell is that thing you had in your boobs?"
"Scrambler. I turned it on when I tasted the stupid drug. Nothing's made it out of here through the wireless since then. And yes, I kind of flex my tits together to turn it on. Get your adolescent giggles out of your system, please."
I check my phone and...yeah, no bars...no wi-fi found... how did...? You know what? Never mind. I'm just going to be impressed.
She slapped the guy around a little more and made good on her promise to destroy their security system. When she finally leaves I notice something's weird with her walk, but only for her. There isn't that superhuman level of confidence and grace. I guess she's knocked down a peg.
"You want me to drive you home?"
She cackles at that for just long enough to be humiliating. "Hardly."
Yeah I guess she wouldn't want any part of a normal car, or to leave her one of a kind custom thing in the parking lot. Seriously, one of a kind, she made some blueprints and schematics and paid Ferrari and a few others to build her car. It looks like it was designed to give the Batmobile an inferiority complex...
"Car!" the car beeps like like someone hit the unlock on the remote and one of the doors slides open, "Automatic driving mode."
"Destination?"
"Local home," she turns around and grins the most smug grin ever grinned, "I have my designated driver."
"I see..."
"Thank you though. It's a sweet thought."
She climbs in the car and it drives off on its automatic system. It's rare for her to thank people, or be considerate in general. In fact, come to think of it, she seems to do it just enough to keep the people smitten by her to stay in love with her... Probably a plan, but it's working...