Love gives hope

Chapter 12 "looking at the stars"

Derek's Point-of-View

"Here." She smiled as she handed me something soft and fuzzy, "it's not exactly a bouquet of roses, but it's my date gift."

I chuckled at how nervous and babbly she was being, "You really haven't done this before." I smiled as I took the knit hat out of her hand, "Usually the gift is given at the beginning of the date. If the date was good, there is an after-date gift."

She rolled her eyes at me and sighed, "You are not getting sex. It is one o'clock in the morning, and I have to be to work in three hours. Secondly, you're so worried about dying that you need to save your energy."

"I'm willing to take that risk." I smirked.

"Do you like the bini?" she asked.

I looked at the soft knit cap in my hands and smiled. I'd never been a hat person; I never had a need to wear a hat. However, I loved that it was from her.

"Yeah, I do."

"Well, you're always complaining about how bald your head is. So, I thought that you might want this to cover it up since you're self-conscious about it."

I rolled my eyes. "I love it, but I don't know what I am going to do with it?"

"Smell it."

"You bought me a hat so I could smell it?" I frowned, "It's not a bouquet of roses, you said so yourself."

She rolled her eyes, "Just smell the damn thing."

I shook my head as I brought it to my nose and inhaled. Then, I rolled back and into a heavenly field of lavender flowers. My brain tickled and I felt a smile spring across my face as I moaned.

"It smells like Meredith."

"It was my bini during my anti-hair stage."

"You had an anti-hair stage?" I frowned as I tried not to gawk at the idea of her without her beautiful blonde locks.

"Yeah." She cringed; her lip curled up in a pathetic but adorable way as she let out a sigh. "I think I was trying to deter male attention, or maybe just trying to piss off my mother. It worked on both accounts. She always took pride in my hair, the one thing that she complimented me on. I didn't have the guts to chop it all off, so I wrapped it up in this bini and wore all black. I found a bunch of business cards to psychiatric institutions one day, so I decided to ditch the bini."

"Probably smart on your part." I smiled, "I am glad you didn't off your locks, they're gorgeous."

She smiled with a twinkle in her eye that made my heart skip a few beats, "Why don't you put it on, I'll grab your coat."

"Where are we going?" I frowned, "I thought it was one in the morning?"

"We can sleep when we're dead." She called across the room as she grabbed my wool coat out of the patient closet.

I just shook my head at that as I pulled the hat on my round dome. I was wearing scrub pants that I'd kept and not given back to her. However, I couldn't ditch the hospital gown since the nurses insisted it was easier to work around as they changed my IV's. I stood up as Meredith pushed the chair to my bedside.

"Where are you taking me?" I asked, "When are you going to get sick of being my chauffeur."

"Never." She giggled as she pushed me out the door, "Also, when was the last time you felt the wind on your face."

I frowned and tried to think back.

"I don't remember."

"Well, that ends tonight."

I smirked "I don't remember the last time I had sex either."

She giggled but shook her head, "You're incorrigible."

"It's worth a shot." I shrugged.

The elevator opened at the roof, and she pushed me out into the night air. I sucked in a deep breath as my lungs weren't used to the brisk oxygen. She stopped in the middle of the rooftop and let me look out on the skyline of the city. I closed my eyes as the wind whipped across my face and I smiled at the tears it created in my eyes.

"You ok?" she asked.

"Yeah." I smiled, keeping my eyes closed, "Nothing ever makes me feel more alive than when the wind hits me in the face."

"You don't get to feel that when you're dead." She said, I finally opened my eyes and smiled.

"No you don't."

She let out a relaxed breath, like only a child would as she looked up at the sky and spun around in a small circle. I enjoyed watching her, she was adorable and innocent. I was jealous of it in fact...I lost my innocence of life so long ago.

"I've always loved looking at the stars." She said with her face to the sky, "I see so many of them scattered everywhere, and I feel so small. Whenever I get upset, I walk outside and just stare up at them. I realize that everything is small, and that no matter how crappy my day is, how bad my problems are...the stars still shine."

I tilted my head as I watched her slowly bring her face back to look at me.

"It's a beautiful night." She said, I nodded in agreement, "I was walking out of the banquet, all I could think about was you're the one person in this world that I wanted to share this night with."

I felt my heart hitch in my chest and race as I ignored the knot in my throat. She was getting so attached, and so was I. I knew the outcome was impossible and the last person I wanted to hurt in the world was her... but I felt like there was nothing to stop it now, so why not go with it? I reached out and wrapped my hand around her waist and pulled her into my lap. Her green eyes sparkled in the midnight starlight as she wrapped her arms loosely around my neck.

"Tell me what you're thinking." She said, "I feel like I always blabber about myself, and I never let you really talk. Tell me about yourself."

I gulped and gave her a soft nod, "My middle name is Christopher, after my dad. He died when I was twelve. I became a doctor because every patient I have is someone's father or mother. I grew up without one parent and I want to prevent others from the same fate. Favorite band is The Clash. My favorite novel is The Sun Also Rises. My favorite color is blue, not light blue, indigo. Favorite ice cream flavor is coffee..." I reached up and raked my fingers into her hair as I stared into her captivating eyes, "And I feel like I'd miss you even if I never met you."

She softly smiled and leaned her face against my hand, "Would it scare you if I said that this is the best night of my life?"

"No." I whispered, "The only thing that scares me is that I feel the exact same way."