Blame Gravity

Chapter 9

It's Tuesday, and I just can seem to make eye contact with either James or Mike in the hallways. I want to go home.

Our first class is English Lit, which is not very convenient, since James is there too, and Ms. Stuart expects us to argue about Romeo and Juliet again. Instead, we stay silent, blushing every two seconds, unable to even look at each other. Ms. Stuart seems incredibly disappointed, and I feel bad for her, but that doesn't mean I'll actually talk to James.

French isn't that bad, because at least he isn't there to remind me of my terrible mistake every time I look at him, even though Ms. Arquette yells at me again. She was talking about my "attitude", or something. I don't really know, I zoned out halfway through the conversation.

But then we have Maths and Mrs. Anthony is surprised as well because of our silence. After class, she tells me and James to stay for a moment. 

"Look, darlings. I don't care what you do in your private lives," Fuck, she knows,  "but if it prevents you from even looking at each other or actively taking part in a lesson you usually love, you probably shouldn't do it. I have no idea what happened, and I couldn't care less. But I advise you to find some sort of solution so that you can talk to each other again, even if it's just angry shouting like usual." With that, she nods at us reassuringly and storms out of the classroom.

James and I stay in silence for a moment, and when I finally look at him, I notice he's blushing. What the fuck? I trusted him to stay calm. Why doesn't he? Fucking James, always letting me down when I need him the most.

"We... uh... should probably talk about this, actually," he finally says, still not looking at me.

"About what? It isn't a big deal. I mean, people-... you know. It happens all the time. We don't have to talk about it. It's nothing." I turn around to leave, but he grabs my hand. I feel a strange sense of nervousness and longing at his touch. We lock eyes. He looks desperate like he's trying to make up for a mistake he made. And he did. Just like me. 

"Fine," I finally sigh, and I sit down on a chair. "What do you want to talk about?"

"I... We said we would forget about this, but we didn't. And... and that's messed up. I mean, everything about this is messed up! I'm supposed to hate you. And I have a girlfriend." Those words sting, even though I know it's true. 

"Yes. Same thing here." I look at my nails, trying to look chill. 

We kind of just nod. Well, this is it. This is all we could talk about. Great. I wasted five minutes of my time on nothing.

"I should go," I say, and stand up. So does he, and we're awkwardly close to each other. For a moment, we lock eyes, and I can't stop imagining his lips on mine. It feels like we're going to kiss again, but then, he just storms out of the classroom.

Of course. What was I thinking? I mean, we still hate each other. This short... adventure doesn't change anything about that. We're rivals. We always have been. We always will be. It's how things should go. It's how things will go. 

Hopefully.

After the last class, I walk up to him again. 

"Miller," I address him. "We should... uh... still work on that project. Right?" 

He nods, unsure. "Yes. Of course. So, uh. Let's go to the library."

I sigh, relieved. I am so glad he doesn't want to go back to that place, where... where... "Yes. Great." 

We nod awkwardly, and he guides me to his car. We drive in silence, just like the previous 2 times.  At the library, we work, unable to talk about anything else than the project. You know what, this is fine. At least we stay professional. 

"So, a law firm, then?" he asks.

"No, we should do an environmental organization. You were right." 

He looks shocked, but he doesn't say anything about it. We continue working, and in the end, he drives me home. We're in front of my house, and we stay in the car for a moment, silent.

"Lucy..." he starts.

"Don't call me that." It slips out of my mouth before I can think better of it. He looks almost offended, but he nods.

"Canmore, then. I... I just want you to know that... uh..." He studies me for a moment, then shakes his head. "Nevermind. Goodnight, Canmore."

"Goodnight, Miller." I step out of the car and run upstairs. What was that? What was he about to say? I hate it when he does that! He starts saying something and then doesn't finish it. Like, damn, who raised you? Finish your sentences!

I decide to forget about him and study. The project is going well, I guess. I mean, we're about halfway done. We have all the ideas, now we'll just make a website and write a pitch. It'll be easy. Right?

I honestly don't even know anymore. I don't understand. What the fuck is this? Why do I feel so nervous around him? Why do I want to kiss him? Why do I... why do I want to do that again?

I'll just have to forget about it. 

And you know what? I will. I will forget about it. 

I suddenly get a text. I check my phone and see I have multiple missed calls and texts from Mike.

Mike! I forgot about him. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I call him.

"Hey, Mike! Sorry I didn't pick up."

"No problem, beautiful," I hear from the other end of the line. "Got caught up in studying?"

"Something like that, yes."

"Okay. Well, do you want to go out tomorrow? Like, catch a movie, or something." I can hear him smiling.

"Of course, yeah. Tomorrow, then?"

"Yes."

I nod, we say goodbye, and I slump down on my bed. I am so, so tired. All I want to do is sleep and never wake up again.